Visit To The Doctor

and he said,

"Go away and make an appointment." which I did.

Sixteen months later I turned up for my appointment. My original doctor had retired by this time and I was seen by a spotty effort of about thirteen with green teeth and a funny eye. He told me to open my mouth, shoved an oversized lolly stick into it and said "Hmmm" four times before putting the lolly stick back in his pocket. He asked how my hearing was.

"Pardon?" I said, and he said, "Ha chuffing ha!" and that I should be on the stage. Then I had to stand with a card over my left eye and read some letters off a chart on the wall. Next he made me read it again with the other eye, which I can't see very well with, but I've got a good memory, so I tricked him.

"Would you please cross your legs." said the doctor.

I crossed my legs and fell over. He told me I could sit down first if I wanted. Then he hit me on the knee with a toffee hammer so I smacked him in the gob and went home.