Imbolc - 2008 Winter Solstice - 2007 Samhain - 2007
Autumn Equinox - 2007
There are the first signs of new life in the garden, but, with such a harsh winter that still continues, they are few and far between. Some plants have given in to the intense cold, but the rosemary, which should have been put in the greenhouse under fleece, has surprisingly survived! The weather has meant that I've been able to spend very little time outside. Even when it wasn't raining or there were storm force winds, the ground was frozen so digging was impossible and it has been far too cold to prune - so I'm now way behind - hey ho! But all the seeds have arrived and it's only another couple for weeks before the propagators come out…
Stalker is loosing weight, especially around her rear quarters and past experience with a long line of cats leads me to suspect that at sixteen and a half, she may be getting ready to leave. She is still happy and reasonably active, so I admit I'm hoping I'm wrong…
I spend most afternoons curled up warm watching decent films on D.V.D! As I'm still fighting depression I'm nurturing myself with Shakespeare's plays that I've always loved but have neglected over recent years. My Dad sent me "The Barchester Chronicles" - a BBC version that I'd never seen, having previously loved the books. I spent money I didn't have on the unabridged Lord of the Rings audio book - 44 C.D's! I got it for almost half price and as it is read, and all the songs sung, rather than acted I frequently get lost in Middle Earth…
And spring will come and the depression will fall back…
So here we are in the middle of a very cold snap, temperatures down to -8 and -9 degrees at night and all the ground frozen! It makes a very nice change not to be wading through mud although I still have a mass of digging to do. I've used the time to move several barrel loads of large prunings and branches from Julian from the "hoping to create the wild garden in the spring" area to the dead hedge, which is building up nicely. I'm also barrelling the pile of turf, which has been under polythene and tarp for the last three years into the vegetable beds to raise the level. The female song thrush and the robin, who are my constant companions when I'm digging, are frustrated at the lack of worms available just now. I hid a fat ball for them under the gorse and so far the starlings haven't found it. They think it's better than nothing but still keep pestering for worms.
Becky's visit in November was a great joy even though we got worse than wet at John O' Groats and nearly blown off Dunnet Head! There was a lot of talking and laughter that really helped blow away my cobwebs and set me up for the rest of the winter. We've already had three severe weather warning this winter, with wind speeds up to 105 m.p.h. and very heavy rainfall. I get something akin to cabin fever when I can't get outside for days on end. So I'm making the most of this wind free sunshine.
My joy as been the contact with my father, I have so missed his warmth and humour…
So, onwards and inwards, time to snuggle up with seed catalogues, coffee (decaffeinated!) and mince pies…
As the year turns and plants retreat into the earth all work outside becomes a preparation for the coming year. The green house is full of young plants and trees being sheltered from the worst of the weather. My main task in the coming months will be to prepare the ground for the wild garden. Although I know what is needed to finish the formal garden, lack of finances have put that on the back burner, although there is some preparatory work that can be done.
As I choose the candle to be lit for Samhain my thoughts turn to my mother who died recently. Most of you know something of our history but I feel there is another story to be told…
She had a deprived childhood, poverty on a level we would now consider to be third world, a harsh, unloving mother and an absent father. So her driving force became the desire to rise above her origins. Somehow, as she struggled to rise, she became a changed woman and I became her scapegoat. She was born at the end of the First World War and a young woman during the Second and like many women of her generation was taken out of the kitchen to serve her country and when war ended put firmly back there. I have read how many women of her generation went on to attempt to realise their ambitions through their daughters and suspect that my failure to do so was at least part of the reason she could never accept me. I never stopped loving her - I saw enough flashes of the real woman to know her worth.
For nearly fifty years I struggled to get her to love me and when one event finally made me realise there was nothing I could do, hope finally faded to a wistful desire. I was saddened when her final, total rejection of me went on to include my sons and all her great-grandchildren but knew there was no way I could make things right. There have been times when her responses have caused me great pain and the threat of becoming bitter was ever present. I have had many uncharitable thoughts and even hit out like a wounded animal. In my twenties my defence became one of denigrating her and burying all the pain so successfully that I could be come immune to her. But as I struggled to grow into my own skin my desire was that she would lose her bitterness, become herself and find fulfilment and happiness. I am told by my daughter that in the last few months of her life she did just that. My daughter successfully did what I could not and I know from my father that they are both very proud of her. That makes me happy, I have not grieved for her and somehow do not need to, although when the curtains closed around her coffin I struggled not to cry - the final end to hope…
She was 86 and her health was deteriorating rapidly and my personal thought is that she is now free. I am grateful for the opportunities she gave me to become stronger and more awake and aware than I suspect I would otherwise have been, but….
Normally this is one of my favourite times of the year, but the disaster of this summer has changed that! The garden is waterlogged, the lack of sunshine means some crops have failed completely and all but the carrots have reduced yields. The gales and rain have severely limited the amount of time I have been able to spend outside, so in many areas I've lost the plot! At best the five-year plan has become a six-year one - if I ever catch up! Maybe harvesting tough lettuce sums it up…
The good news is the increasing numbers of birds and insects in the garden as the first hedge grows thick and the amount of food available increases.
I've built a wooden raised bed for new raspberries, (the last ones drowned), - my first attempt at carpentry, which I am very proud of! Thankfully, Julian was on hand with help and advice and as it is over 6 metres long he carried it into position. Now all I have to do is fill it up! The front side garden refused to be tamed from rough pasture to lawn, so it has been gravelled, (beetles like gravel), with removable pots and a small round bed for the blue spruce I'm hoping to get soon. I'm thinking about digging a very large hole in the 'one day I'll be a wildlife garden' area to take all the excess water - if the arthritis will let me - might just turn into a natural pond… But meanwhile, thanks to the new, non-leaking wellie boots Linda bought me for my birthday, I'll just keep wading through mud!
My inner garden? Bit of a mess - as some of you know I've battled with clinical depression since my early twenties and for the last couple of months the battle has become a major war. I'm winning, but it's slow and requires constant vigilance.
I wish you all peace and harmony at this still point in the year.
Well, it certainly doesn't feel like Lammas! It is still March weather with strong winds, heavy rain and so cold… Some plants are refusing to grow, some have keeled over and some are even rotting! Others are just getting on with it though.
The most disappointing are the onions, which are all bull-necked and so, won't store. Peas and beans are coping, strawberries are having difficulty ripening, and I've no idea what's happening with the root crops with all the water logging. The trees and shrubs are all O.K. except the golden ash, which I've cut down to half its size in an effort to save it. Most of the flowers are surviving with varying degrees of success and it's interesting the differences with the same plants in different places. The Hobbit violas are the stars, though they obviously didn't read the packet - instead of being 4" high most are over a foot (been at the Ent draught I expect,) and have been joined by the rest of the of the fellowship in the form of asters that I know I planted elsewhere! The lawn looks increasing like a real one, though it will never win any prizes for being flat. One major task successfully completed was moving the two compost bins, which are now heating up well. I've been inspired by an article I read about 'no waste gardening' so the space where the bins were is becoming a dead hedge.
I love the groups of young bird that congregate in the garden at this time of year. We've got greenfinches for the first time and both sets of swallow parents raised two broods. The black birds are creating chaos, pulling up the plants to get at the worms and the young crows get up to all sorts of mischief… I don't know who ate all the blackcurrants - didn't catch them at it…
It doesn't feel like Lammas in my inner world either - I think my inner harvest is just as patchy and there are definitely days when I feel wind battered or waterlogged! I pin it on feeling the garden is too big and I need help, but I suspect the truth is more to do with planets and people and being at the effect of…
There is a lot of joy too, in the birds, butterflies and beetles, in the perfume that wafts in the kitchen door and the changing and rapidly improving quality of the soil of this piece of land… Gathering the wisdom, gathering in tools…
It's been a cold, wet and windy few months, the few warm sunny days really stand out in the memory! Many young plants are reluctant to grow in these conditions and quite a few established ones have been desiccated by the wind just when they were producing their new leaves. The magic tree is really struggling, but just about still alive. If you remember the hobbit bed… Frodo is thriving, Sam and Pippin doing O.K. but there is no sign of Bilbo - gone west I suspect. The vegetables are doing better as they are more protected. The new trial bed of Jerusalem artichokes is looking pretty fair. One of the gooseberry bushes didn't survive the move and I somehow lost all the raspberries! But the strawberries look like another bumper crop and at last, we'll have some blackcurrants! It goes without saying that all the weeds are thriving, pulling up five barrow loads on a weather permitting day isn't enough. The price of having uncultivated land on three sides. For myself, the only things I feel in control of are my responses! I am being buffeted by all sorts of external events and have certainly lost any ideas I had about certainty… Every time I think I've got everything back on track, something else throws a spanner in the works! My primary joy has been the two families of swallows who are nesting in the garage - there has been plenty of mud for nests! Enjoy this expansive time…
Beltane - 2007
Signs of new life everywhere! The curlews are nesting again in the fields opposite, all the other birds are very busy and everything is greening. I just wish that the weeds grew at the same rate as everything else and not at super speed. Having gone overboard on raising flowers from seed, I've had to create new beds for them. I'm already eating fresh salad leaves and the peas are starting to flower - the broad beans aren't far behind either. I ran out of onions in January, so have planted twice as many this year. With the coming of May it is time to plant everything else! So, I'm especially glad that on Sunday I barrowed the finally load of gravel into the formal garden! Real coffee and some chocolate to celebrate! I still have some weeding to do there, but I'm hoping to have the money for the path and the single trees in June. Next winter the wild garden will take over as the major, on going project.
For myself, I'm responding well to the warm days and not so well to the cold, windy ones. I have a few more health issues and I'm beginning to wonder if treating one lot just paves the way for more, just maybe this is what happens if we thwart conditions that would otherwise cause this lifetime to end! But all in all, as the time for introspection passes I'm just doing what I'm doing and taking joy from all around me…
Spring Equinox 2007
Like the magic of a half moon, this is a very special moment in the year - a deep in breath of waking. All around me gentle movement and sound, every thing preparing for growth and renewal, I love it! Over the past four years I'm glad I have learned to listen and watch, to use what I see and hear to determine when to plant different seeds rather than the back of the seed packet. Although, it has to be said, it got a little crazy a month ago when there were so many seeds germinating in the kitchen, (the only room with enough heat and light) that there was no space to make pastry! Most of the seedlings have now moved out to the greenhouse under fleece, but the kitchen table is still a potting bench…
The major winter 'work in progress' is still progressing, the four groups of seven different coloured stemmed trees are planted, but only two of their surrounding triangles are complete. Laying lightweight ground cover around them in the constant wind has me beaten temporarily… What I hope is the last of the gravel for this area will arrive in a week or so and then it will only leave the path and the spot trees. I don't know when the path will get done as the huge garage bill means there is no money and a cheap option is not acceptable! I'm thinking of yew (for the ancestors) for the spot trees but will wait, watch and listen some more before I decide. The first bumble bee has woken up and I'm waiting for the pivotal sound of the first curlew arriving back.
Like so many things around me I am responding to the return of the light and passing from winter into spring, with more desire to do rather than be. I am also aware the deepening of winter has led to an understanding that it really is time to let go of Hafod and the mountains and all that goes with them. This calls into question the validity of these web pages as the only people that know they exist are from that time. So watch this space!
Imbolc 2007It is always a great relief when the light begins to return and to get out of bed able to see! The frost and ice have a beauty so special, and the first signs of new life are all around… The first seeds are sown, first year flowering perennials, including the precious Hobbit violas. That was a stressful morning, the only success I've had growing violas was when I didn't know how difficult they were to germinate! I played the hobbit music from the film, but whether for the seeds or me I'll leave you to decide. Since the New Year it's been a case of dodging the weather in the garden, the theory is that if the weather is tolerable I go outside but when it's not I do the housework. It's amazing how adept I've become at housework avoidance techniques! In fact that's what I'm doing right now… The lack of a car has aided my winter retreat as I venture forth only once a week for supplies. Car should be sorted in another week or so in time to get in the things the garden needs. As the winter has been relatively mild so far, I am still eating sprouts, kale and leeks straight from the garden and have used very little of the vegetables I froze. My mind has been very peaceful and my thoughts very quiet, to the point that I am finding this difficult to write! May every thing around you lighten and begin to grow!
Love Ashera
Winter Solstice 2006
As the cold and frost increases and work in the garden is slowed either by very deep mud or frozen soil it's time to order seeds for next year, do jigsaws and re-read favourite books. My peace has been interrupted by the car giving up the ghost! Julian is giving me his old Volvo, but it will cost to put it back on the road, which can't be done for a while. It is strange how uncomfortable I feel without the illusion of freedom that a car gives me. It is an illusion because I hardly ever go anywhere! But having to ask Hannah to go out in the cold to post a letter because I can't walk as far as the Post Office really doesn't sit well at all.
However, there is a lot of joy about… The part of the garden that celebrates the rocks, stones and crystals reached the point where Hannah, (who has a love of stones) and I could complete the centre by placing all the fossils, crystals and beautiful/ significant stones we had collected, including Catherine's belly rock. (It needs a meteorite, if any one's got one spare!) The trees for the four directions will arrive the end of February. Then there is the lady blackbird and male robin that are my constant companions when I'm digging or clearing the ground. The Lord of the Rings has been an important book for me since my teens, so there were smiles all round when I found new seeds - four dwarf violas called Frodo, Bilbo, Sam and Pippin! Having found a perennial golden alyssum, a new bed is called for - hobbits sitting inside the ring! Another wonderful celebration!
Enjoy this winter season and all the festivities…
Autumn Equinox 2006
As I was born at the Autumn Equinox it has always held a special place in my heart. I love the sense of pause and poise between seasons and the peace of the point of balance. In the garden most of the harvest is gathered in, some tasks are coming to completion as others begin. The plants and trees are preparing for sleep and the insects are busy ensuring the next generation will flourish in the spring, (shame the slugs are so good at it!). Birds who have been in their small family units are noisily gathering and re-establishing the flocks that will journey south together.
For me, amidst all the chaos that is Gloria, there is time to pause, reflect and integrate, as, like the plants, I prepare to journey inwards. I wish you all well on your own journey within…
The first signs of autumn are appearing in the garden, the first few leaves turning, the berries ripening. Harvest time - some crops abundant, others less so - affected by the weather earlier in the year. Strawberries overflowing their bed, broccoli and broad beans having to go in the freezer. Some others just a little behind but heading for a good harvest just the same. But the cabbage and cauliflowers aren't going to make it. All the trees are growing well - Hannah and I made gooseberry and elderflower jam and there will be enough berries for elderberry sorbet in a month or so, pretty good for such young trees. Although I haven't been able to achieve all I had hoped for this year the garden feels happy and full of bubbly peace. There are a multitude of butterflies, amazing moths and more different spiders and beetles than you could shake a stick at. Two young crows, Prancer & Dancer have spent the summer in the garden, creating havoc and providing much laughter. They have torn holes in the black polythene on the will be wild garden - just for fun - they have cooperated to move the netting to access the strawberries - although the raspberry netting beat them and generally been wonderful, inventive companions.
Once again the outer mirrors the inner and my personal harvest has its successes and 'could do betters'. Some old patterns have come back to haunt me but it has been a wonderful time of stripping away and weeding out on all levels, I'm particularly enjoying moving on all sort of material possessions. And I can feel the quietening beginning…