"The Most Ridiculous Things Ever Said in the Name of Banding"

The following are genuine extracts from rehearsals, contests and other band events!

New - straight in at number 1:

"By the time you get to letter Q, the rhubarb is well and truly in the custard..."

Still at No.2:

Flugel Horn player to conductor:  "I've got to take a breath there, Basil."

You don't think that's so stupid?
Well, this is our conductor:
 
 The Conductor 
 
His name is Brian. 
This is Basil:
 
 
 
 Basil looking moody 
 
He's the Flugel player's cat.

Slipping to No.3:    "Over here is a golden shower of cornet quavers." (Anon.)

No.4:Conductor (to percussionist during rehearsal) "Could you make that sound a bit more... er... distant, please? Try LEICESTER!!!"

No.5:
(command to horn section)    "Spread 'em!!!!!!!!!!!!" (Same "Anon" as above)

No.6: Courtesy of Brian Morris, Amington Band

In an adjudicators remarks at Pontins, Brean Sands, about 1985 (Can't remember the adjudicator):
   Band:Amington, Piece: Wand of Youth (2nd Section)
     Comment on Flugel Player (Andy Bates now of Jaguar):
       Nice Flugel sound. Doesn't play all of the notes but nice sound all the same!!

(Oh how I sympathise!! - Ed)

Sliding one at No.7:

 German vineyard tour guide to mainly British audience (in German): "...lots and lots of German words ....and more... and more... for about five minutes..."

 Translator (AKA guest rep player): "Well that was just a general welcome!"

Dropping to No.8:
(Adjudicator's remarks at a contest)    "Was that an A flat or a flat A?!!!" (Courtesy of Brian Morris, Amington Band)

New at No.9:
(instruction to percussionist)"Let something hard go up the keyboard"(suggestions of what, exactly, included Antony's head)

Still a favourite - No.10:
(Almost too surreal to be true)"The Euph was a bit slotty at A"(Courtesy of BM(AB) again)

Any contributions (genuine!) gladly received!

My thanks to everyone who has contributed: Brian Morris, J&S Stewart, Rich Uchytil. Unfortunately, I couldn't use all the contributions (this is a family site!) but anyone who is interested just e-mail me and I'll pass them on!

Last update: 3rd October 2004