I look in the mirror
... not a picture - there's someone there
but who?
Who are you? Who is me?
The world is always fuzzy
I feel inside my head,
- That is, like I am a thought
In someone else's head:
A dream.
I feel strange
A sensation unreal
Maybe in a world inside my mind
Figments of a scattered reality
Are floating past my eyes.
Somehow I'm not really there.
Construct a face
Fix on the mask
Like protective scaffolding
Around a house that isn't there.
I am ethereal
Something that isn't what I feel
I walk through walls,
I can disappear.
They fix their little labels
Glue them on this odd structure
That they think is me.
Me - I wonder -
A set of names of terms
Not a self but a thing
A thing that can never ever feel.
All the world is cotton wool
Maybe it's not there at all.
Is it me - am I there?
Am I here?
Am I?
Maybe I am only cotton wool
Floating on the wind.
I am neither here nor there
Am I really anywhere?
All the fuzz is pale and blue
And I just can't find a way through
I feel like a void inside,
Hollow,
How can they tell me who I am?
When there is nothing on the inside
Nothing there to "be" at all.
Am I this or am I that -
Maybe all or none of it.
Never quite there at all.
Depressed maybe
A term of things I cannot feel.
I'm running from the void inside of me.
Do I feel hate or do I feel love,
Or maybe none of the above.
Like this poem all in pieces,
Nothing quite makes sense to me.
I can't tell dreams from reality
And I don't know who to be,
When there isn't any me.
Am I sad? Am I hurt?
Maybe just lonely, or just like dirt?
Up or down you ask -
I just don't know.
There's nothing in here to try to feel
Nothing in here -
Nothing real.
And maybe,
Maybe I'm not really here at all.
