|
     |
"Different ways of grieving"Just like any other morning, my husband kissed my daughters and me and said goodbye as he left for work. He was due to take the afternoon off to help my father collect a new gas cooker for my mother to use. Having finished work he joined my parents for a quick snack lunch before setting off with my father for a 3 mile drive. They reached their destination and as my husband got out of the car and walked away, he collapsed. An ambulance was called but he was pronounced dead on arrival at the local hospital. I was at work, one daughter was at school, the other was out shopping with her boyfriend My poor mother received a call from my distraught father at the hospital and made her way to my office to break the news. The information just would not sink in. However, as the fact eventually made impact, I realised I had to get my younger daughter from school to tell her this awful news. This was about ten days before she was due to sit her GCSE's. This was the hardest thing I ever had to tell anyone and I expected to be able to comfort her and we would cling to each other for comfort, but this was not the way of things. She refused to believe her Daddy had died - it had to be a ghastly mistake and I was the one who was telling her something she did not want to hear. It felt as if it was my fault and she had rejected me. My elder daughter was located by a friend and we made our separate/urgent ways to the hospital. Her reaction was entirely different again. She buried her reactions and became emotionless - numb. These responses lasted for quite some time with both girls but after the funeral, when the reality of the situation became evident, we did all cling to each other for support. We really needed each other. That was when the tears really flowed. On reflection, the initial reactions were perfectly normal but when we are in shock, things are not always as we expect they might be. Each relationship is individual and our grief is too. It is all too easy for a Mother to be so grief stricken, that she momentarily forgets how bad it is for the children too, especially if they are not small children.
|
 |