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"Second Time"I am a young 51 and I have just been widowed for the second time only 4 weeks ago. My first husband was diagnosed with Granulocytic Leukemia and given 3 years to live at the age of 36. We stood against it and he managed to lead a relatively normal life or 6 years until it overtook him suddenly one weekend 8 years ago. My life seemed like those old war movies of bombers sent out on raids and limping back with engines on fire, half the plane ripped away and most of the crew dead or injured.... I was expected to get on with my life in this condition. Systematically I did though and gradually began to take control of my situation, moving out into new work and projects I probably would never have accomplished before. It took me about 15 months to decide to do something about finding someone else as I was in my mid forties at the time so I went onto the internet and found a whole culture of older single people. Although all that was in its infancy on the web, during the following 3 years I conversed with a lot of interesting people worldwide and widened my horizons, even visited some and had them stay with me. I built up good friendships and my confidence grew greatly through this period. Out of the blue, 3 years ago I received an email from someone on a site I had not visited for 2 years. It was kind of miraculous as my details should not have been available. He had been widowed only months before and we both knew the pain of it all. We met and within 2 weeks had decided to marry. The whole thing was wonderfully romantic. I had wondered if it was possible to feel that way as an older person but I found it was even better than in our youth as we were so much wiser, understanding, accepting of faults, experienced and uninhibited. What a relief and what a lot of fun! We were also able to share the grief over the death of our former spouses which was a wonderful thing too. We married a few months later and had a great 2 and half years. My husband left his lifetime career to join me in setting up a company and we were moving forward with a happy future it appeared. Just 8 weeks ago he was diagnosed with an aggressive form of Leukemia too (Prolymphocytic). I found it unbelievable that it was the same thing again and prepared myself for the long haul. He was taken into hospital to begin treatment and his condition deteriorated rapidly to the shock of everyone, including doctors and died suddenly just 4 weeks ago. He always said that by marrying, one of us was setting ourselves up for going through the process again. I didn't think it would be so soon though. I am now going through the same process again.... the familiar heavy weight in my chest, unable to relax, it seemed like a replay of the first time, even down to the same people coming to be with me at about the same time in the proceedings and so on. However, since I know how I got through the first time, I know there is light at the end of this tunnel. Even now, I can see that I'm not the same person I was before. I have grown a lot in many ways as a person through these experiences and I will continue the company on my own and know that will be fine. I would not have contemplated that in the past. I want to encourage those going through it to keep moving forward and stepping out into new things. Its important not to try to hold on to a life you will not be having now. Your life together actually died too with your spouse. You have a whole new set of life possibilities and no choice about it really, so take them and move on into the future that there is for the new you. Its like taking steps as a baby, a whole new life has been born. I would say too that there is hope of new relationships, they can happen suddenly but don't drop from the sky necessarily. You have to do something active. Whatever your path, just keep moving forward and expect the best.
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