Nil Mortifi Sine Lucre
Dungeon Masters and Mistresses, imagine the following scenario. Your player, his face beaming with an innocence that belies the scheming little bastard that you know he's become, announces his latest character idea. "I've had a great idea. I'm going to play an assassin!"
My word, I didn't know I could make people assume foetal positions that easily! Fear not; I, your friend and narrator, have a few tips in mind that will help you recover, cope with the idea of your player wanting to play an assassin, put him off the idea forever (or at least until the next gaming session) and get a decent adventure hook out of it into the bargain.
Okay, some of you don't want to stick around that long. I understand. You're busy and want a quick fix. No problem. Here's what you do in that case.
- Check your blood pressure. If it's currently 140/90 or even higher, do not be surprised. This is a standard reaction when your players Get Ideas.
- Blood pressure can be lowered by taking a 12-inch wooden ruler and striking the offending player violently over the back of the hand with it, while saying 'No!' in a loud, steady voice.
- If the player persists and asks why he can't play an assassin, take your copy of Core Rulebook II firmly in your hand and swat him on each cheek with it, while saying "This book is for the DM, not for the player!"
- Repeat until dead.
My lawyers tell me that this might not in fact be legal. Alas, it's not a perfect world.
This is what you do.
First off, don't react. The player may just be trying to get a rise out of you. DMing is often a battle of wits with your players -- yes, I know it doesn't say that in the books. We'd love it if it weren't the case. However, we cannot afford to delude ourselves. Just give them your best poker face and say "all right then." Smile if you can force yourself to do it. If the other players protest, be grateful, but reassure them: "Don't worry. The campaign will be able to handle it." If this doesn't scare the player off, proceed.
If your campaign starts at level 1, you have plenty of time to wait for the character to work towards satisfying most of the prerequisites for the class. If the campaign starts at higher levels, you have every right to disallow the PC from starting with assassin levels, just as you would with blackguard levels. Cue whiny face from the player. Cue DM response: "But the assassin class requires you to kill someone just to get in. That's a major roleplay requirement -- would you want to deprive everyone of such an entertaining scene? That class is meant to be NPC-only anyway..."
Remember, you're the DM and you get to set conditions like that. Still, let them get the skills and feats necessary; roleplay out the whole business of contacting the assassin's guild and getting an audience with whoever's in charge. The guildmaster decides who the prospective assassin has to kill before being allowed in -- the PC doesn't get the choice. Now, this choice of victim should be one that inconveniences the assassin. Is the PC married? Does he have a relative of whom he's fond? A cohort? A valuable ally? They might as well have targets painted on their heads. If the PC has no such ties... just have the guildmaster order him to kill one of the other PCs. The prospective assassin may well ask why. Offer no reason -- it is not for the character to ask why; the character must perform the assassination in order to be let in. If the character refuses, even better! Mission accomplished.Of course, there is the matter of the assassin's guild wanting to protect itself; after all, its business is murder, and security is paramount. If the prospective assassin refuses the task, then he is obviously untrustworthy. The PC has made some very dangerous enemies. Now, let's look at the other side -- the NPC assassins. After all, after having put the player off the idea of playing an assassin you'll want to throw a few back at him. That is, if you're a sadist like me, you will...