The Unofficial Official Dictionary of UKUS Terms

A is for

allotment n. 1. A vegetable garden plot. These are typically owned by some sort of government authority and citizens may simply apply to use one. As in, ``We've an allotment over on Garden Close.'' Allotments have been available for a very long time. For example, residents of the village of Colden Common, Hants, could obtain an allotment in 1855 for a fee of three pounds a year. These same allotments are used today and cost four pounds yearly.

American dinner n. 1. A potluck dinner.

anorak n. 1. Hooded coat. Parka.

approved school n. 1. Now known as community schools, this is a place where children who are removed from the custody of their parents are brought.

ass n. 1. A donkey or foolish person, but not one's posterior. See arse.

athletics n. 1. Track and field.

aubergine (o-ber-jean) n. 1. Eggplant.

Aunt Sally n. 1. A person at a carnival game that you throw sponges etc. at. This is often generalized to be anyone that is commonly castigated or insulted. To quote a BBC radio broadcaster: ``Well, you know, the Post Office is everyone's Aunt Sally.'' At a local village fete the head master was an Aunt Sally in a booth to raise money for the school. The children paid 10p to throw three wet sponges at him. He raised 350 pounds.

B is for

baby sitting circle phrase. 1. Baby sitting co-op. This is a group of parents who share baby sitting services between themselves. Various schemes are used to ensure that one only uses as much ``service'' as one ``serves.''

balaclava n. 1. A ski mask. The term originates from the Battle of Balaclava where the balaclava was invented.

bangers n. 1. Sausages. A very common meal is bangers and mash (sausages and mashed potatoes). The sausages are called bangers because they will burst if you do not pierce them while they are cooking.

B and B abbrev. 1. Bed and Breakfast. Wherever B and B is seen, it means there is a bedroom available for the night, be it only one spare bedroom in a house or ten in an inn. Typical prices in 1982 range from five to ten pounds per night. A generous breakfast of cereal, eggs, toast and some type of meat is served in the morning.

banjo n. 1. A garage sale where children's clothes and toys may be found.

Only much later did we discover this name is simply a composite of the ladies' names who run the banjo. It is not a term to be commonly understood by those people outside Colden Common, Hants.

bar 1. Gambling term used to note those entrants in a competition who all are equally (un)likely to win and are quoted at the same odds. As in, ``11:1 BAR.'' This would mean that all other entries, bar none, are quoted at 11 to 1 odds to win.

barrister n. 1. A trial lawyer, as opposed to a lawyer who may not appear before a judge and is called a solicitor. The two types of lawyers are rigidly specialized. A barrister may not prepare your will and a solicitor may never represent you in a court of law. Barristers may not join a firm of other lawyers. They must practice the law completely independently. They may be grouped together to share office expenses such as telephones etc., but their practices may not overlap in any manner. These restrictions do not apply to solicitors.

Barristers cannot tout for business and tradition has it that a barrister is not really employed at all. He offers his services as a gesture, and if, in gratitude, you want to slip him a few sovereigns as an honorarium, he has, even today, a pocket on the back of his gown into which you may discreetly deposit the cash.

beefburger n. 1. Hamburger. Unlike in the U.S. where now this term might be used to denote a hamburger made from beef and not something else like soybeans or turkey gizzards, the British term does not have this connotation. As in this poem from Ogden Nash,

In mortal combat I am joined
With monstrous words wherever coined.
`Beefburger' is a term worth hating,
Both fraudulent and infuriating,
Contrived to foster the belief
That only beefburgers are made of beef,
Implying with shoddy flim and flam
That hamburgers are made of ham.

beetroot n. 1. A beet.

Belisha beacon (be-lee-shah bee-con) n. 1. A traffic signal consisting of a yellow sphere with a flashing light and mounted atop a black and white striped pole. This is used to indicate the presence of a zebra, but not a pelican. The term is named after Hore Belisha who was the Home Secretary at the time when Belisha beacons were introduced into the U.K.

bell n. 1. Telephone call, as in, ``Give us a bell when you get there.'' Tinkle may also be used, as in, ``Give us a tinkle.''

belts and braces phrase. 1. To over compensate for something. One may need a belt or braces, but both is definitely overdoing it.

billion n. 1. One trillion. One billion is one thousand million to the British. One trillion is one million billion to the British. Because of the difference and confusion, official use of the term has been dropped in favor of ``one thousand million'' (billion) or ``one million million'' (billion).

bin n. 1. Waste paper basket.

bitter n. 1. Name for a type of English beer. This is served at cellar temperature and is a bit darker than lager. It has a slightly ``bitter'' taste. There are numerous types of bitter which will vary by pub and locality.

blackbird n. 1. A bird quite unlike a blackbird. The English love blackbirds. When NASA sprayed blackbirds with detergent, some English bird lovers nearly had apoplexy due to their confusion with blackbirds. The British love of blackbirds stems mainly from their suitability for eating (now highly illegal). There are a number of birds which are completely different but bear the same name in both languages. A robin is a grey-brown bird about the size of a house sparrow but having a red breast.

black pudding n. 1. Not a pudding at all, but rather a form of blood sausage.

blancmange (blah-mahn-je) n. 1. A dessert made by mixing a white powder with hot milk. When this cools it solidifies producing a flavored jello-like dessert. It may be eaten warm or after it has cooled.

bloke n. 1. Guy or fellow, as in, ``The bloke nicked me light!''

bloody hell (blud-ee-el) expletive. 1. This blasphemous expression may be used to voice one's incredulity about something just said. This is equivalent to the American phrase ``Why, Gosh. Who would have thought!'' 2. It may also be used to express disapproval of something said, as in the American phrase, ``I'm sorry, but I simply cannot agree with you!'' It is possible that bloody is an elided form of ``By Our Lady'' or perhaps is derived from ``God's Blood.'' In any case, this was once considered a very strong expletive. Other variations include: ruddy, bally (rhymes with Sally), bloomin', blimey (which is probably derived from ``God blind me''), bleedin', and struth (``By God's truth'').

blue cross n. 1. Sign for an animal hospital.

bob n. 1. One shilling (now worth 5p). A bob-a-job is a fund raising technique used by the Scouts. One used to pay a bob for each job, hence the name.

boiler suit n. 1. Overalls.

bollard n. 1. Any obstruction used to control the flow of traffic, such as traffic islands or posts along the side of the road to prevent one from parking in certain places. 2. The hitching post (on a dock) you tie your yacht or ocean liner to.

bomb n. 1. Describes something good, as in, ``It (a play) went like a bomb,'' (smash hit) or ``I could go a bomb on that.'' (I like/approve that.) Bomb has been corrupted somewhat by the American bomb. This may cause confusion to the many British who are familiar with both meanings and therefore may not be certain which is your meaning.

bonfire night n. 1. Celebrated every November fifth, this marks an attempt to blow up Parliament. Opinions differ whether the celebration is because the attempt was made or because it failed. This is also called Guy Fawks Night after one of the conspirators. Guy is burned in effigy on a large bonfire while fireworks are set off. This much loved event tends to eclipse Halloween since the two are only a few days apart. Every British child knows this rhyme:

Remember, remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder and treason
Should ever be forgot.

bonkers adj. 1. Acting crazy or mad. Other variations include crackers, daft, doolally and barmy.

bonnet n. 1. That part of an automobile which is at the other end from the boot.

boob tube n. 1. Slang term for a tank top or knitted sleeve top. This never means telly. ``The men were all glued to the boob tube'' would raise a completely wrong image to the British.

book v. 1. To reserve. The British never reserve a table at a restaurant or a room at an hotel, they always book it: ``Do we need to book in advance, do you think?'' The term booking means a reservation.

boot n. 1. That part of an automobile which is at the other end from the bonnet.

borstal n. 1. A prison for juveniles. This is also known as an approved school. This leads to the pun about ``well approved schools.''

bother expletive. 1. Expression used to convey one's frustration over something, as in, ``Oh, bother! Why doesn't he find someone else!''

bovril n. 1. A beefy flavored drink one might have on a cool evening to warm you up. See marmite.

Boxing Day n. 1. A holiday which falls on the day after Christmas (the Feast of St. Stephen). In earlier years the wealthy would put leftover Christmas food in boxes for their servants or the poor. Since the servants probably worked Christmas day, they had the day after Christmas off to enjoy the Christmas leftovers. Traditionally the queen gives a small gift of money to a selected group of OAPs on Boxing Day. (A gift of an especially minted coin is also given to some OAPs at Easter time. This is called maundy money.)

bunged up adj. 1. Suffering from catarrh and/or constipation.

button B n. 1. Before 1963 British call boxes had two buttons labelled `A' (pushed when the other party answered and you wished to speak to them) and `B' (used to return your money). A favorite school child source of income was to push button B hoping someone had failed to do this. Hence today, anyone who checks the coin return in a vending machine might be accused of pushing button B.

butty n. 1. Sandwich, as in jam butties (jelly sandwiches) or chip butties (French fry sandwiches) both of which are Liverpudlian (i.e. from the city of Liverpool) in origin.

C is for

chippie n. 1. A fish and chips shop. If the owners are Asian in appearance, the shop may be called a Chinese chippie. At such an establishment you may find huss, rock or rock salmon, all of which mean dogfish. Mushy peas are a near-puree form of boiled peas. 2. A carpenter.

chippings n. 1. Gravel, as in the roadside sign, ``Beware of loose chippings.''

Christian name n. 1. Your first name. See surname.

chuffed adv. 1. Happy, as in, ``I was really chuffed when I got promoted.''

cider n. 1. Not apple juice, but a rather strong alcoholic drink made from apple juice.

cinema n. 1. Movie theater. This is not to be confused with a theatre.

cistern n. 1. A water tank found in most British houses. It is to be found in the attic, and feeds the hot water heater by gravity. This is why British bathrooms always have separate hot and cold taps (a system unknown in the U.S. since about 1917). The hot and cold water systems operate at different pressures! It may also explain the singular lack of civilized showers in the U.K. The reason for separate bathroom taps may have a historical basis. In days of yore, cisterns were filled with collected rainwater, and by law, the mains water and the cistern water could not be allowed to mix.

cladding n. 1. Siding for a house.

clapped out adj. 1. Worn out. A old car might be said to be clapped out.

clobber n. 1. Clothing. Gear. As in, ``I don't mind getting his clobber from the cleaners.''

clock n. 1. The odometer, as in, ``The hire car only had 1200 miles on the clock, but it broke down anyway.'' No one should ever really be confused with this word since the English do not measure time in miles. v. 1. To illegally turn a car odometer back. As in, ``This car isn't in very good condition for only 22,000 miles. Are you sure it hasn't been clocked.'' 2. To take note of, as in, a bloke who clocks birds.

close (clos) n. 1. Dead end street. One would generally expect that a street named Piping Close will not go through to another street, but will end in a cul-de-sac or simply dead end. There was an uproar when it was proposed that a small estate of pensioner bungalows should be called St. Peter's Close!

cock n. 1. A somewhat obsolete, but friendly, reference to a male friend, as in, ``Come on, cock, let's go to the pub.''

cockahoop adj. 1. To be happy about something, as in, ``You must be all cockahoop over being in the Tall Ships Race.''

Cockney n. 1. Anyone born within hearing distance of the Bow bells in London (the East end). 2. Cockney rhyming slang has wide use throughout England. It is an active language that is continually growing (several dictionaries are available). Cockney rhyming slang is composed by using any short phrase in place of something with which it rhymes. Often this phrase is itself shortened. The end phrase is often different from its origin. Rather surprisingly words like berk and cobblers are in wide use, even in relatively polite society. It's likely that many who use them don't know what they are saying! Some milder examples follow.

Adam and Eve v. Believe. ``Would you Adam an' Eve it?''

berk(ley hunt) n. (abusive) Person with undesirable character. ``He's a bit of a berk.''

Brahms or Beethoven (and Liszt) a. Drunk.

Bristol(s) (Cities) n. Breasts. ``Nice pair of bristols!''

butcher(')s (hook) v. Look. ``Have a butchers at this.''

cobbler(')s (awls) n. Testicles. ``Don't talk cobblers.''

ginger (beer) n. Homosexual.

half inch v. To steal, pinch.

Hampton (Wick) n. Penis. There was a comedy program on BBC radio many years ago which included as a regular feature the esoteric joke ``and now, over to our special correspondent, Hugh Jampton.'' Luckily almost no one got the joke.

Khyber (Pass) n. Posterior, as in ``a kick up the Khyber.''

loaf (of bread) n. Head, as in, ``Use your loaf.''

pen (and ink) n. or v. Stink, as in, ``It don' 'alf pen a bit.''

rock and roll n. Dole. Welfare, as in, ``The old man's on the rock and roll again.''

Rosie (Lee) n. Tea (the drink), as in ``a cup of Rosie.''

Scapa (Flow) v. To go, as in, ``It's getting late, I'll have to scapa or the trouble'll get in a two and eight.''

Sexton (Blake) n. Fake.

taters (in the mould) n. Cold.

titfer (tat) n. Hat.

trouble (and strife) n. Wife.

two and eight n. (emotional) State.

whistle (and flute) n. Suit. In using this, one often drops the second half, as in, ``Going to work for IBM. Better get a whistle then.''

collect v. 1. To fetch, as in, ``I've come to collect my children.''

come a cropper phrase. 1. To end badly, as in, ``We hope that the American economy doesn't come a cropper.''

come over for drinks phrase. 1. An invitation to a rather formal social evening. The level of formality will vary by the time indicated. Six p.m. means very formal evening dress while 8 p.m. would only mean a suit and tie affair. Refreshments may consist of crisps or multiple courses of hot or cold snacks. One should always arrive fifteen minutes late to these affairs.

coming for one phrase. 1. Phrase meaning ``Are you coming to the pub for a pint of?''

common entrance n. An exam which must be passed for entrance into a public school. It is taken by upper class twelve year old boys only. (Girls almost never take this exam, regardless of their social class.) There seems to be very little that's ``common'' about this exam.

combs n. 1. Long-john underwear. The word comes from combinations.

conker n. 1. Horse chestnut. 2. (~s) Game played by children. To play this game, one first drills a small hole through the middle of a conker, and threads a string through this hole. The conker is then suspended by one child, while the other, using his conker, tries to smash the suspended conker with his. Turns alternate. The winner is the child whose conker does not break. This leads to uncommon industry on the part of children (of all ages) in an effort to make their conker as tough as possible.

continent n. 1. Europe, as in, ``We're going to ferry to the continent this summer for our holiday.'' The general connotation is that the U.K. should not be considered part of the European community. The attitude is properly captured by this quote of an English newspaper, ``Fog in Channel---continent isolated.''

continental quilt n. 1. A comforter.

copper n. 1. A policeman, bobby. 2. Kettle for boiling clothes in. 3. Any piece of money made from copper (e.g. half pence, pence, etc.).

coppice or copse n. 1. A wood which is regularly harvested. Often the trees in a coppice are harvested and the stump is allowed to sprout. These new shoots will grow into smaller trees which will themselves be harvested within a few years. These smaller trees are often used as fences posts. Strictly speaking this term is also to be found in American. However, it is in such wide use in the U.K., it has been included here also.

corn n. 1. Any grain except rice. What Americans call corn is referred to as corn-on-the-cob or sweet corn.

cornet n. 1. (Ice cream) Cone.

cornflour n. 1. Corn starch.

corridor n. 1. Hall. This should not be confused with hall.

county n. 1. A geographical area similar to county. adj. 1. Said of an adult who has the character of a snottylittleupperclasstwit. Given to wearing jodhpurs etc. See also frightfully frightfully.

courgettes n. 1. Zucchini.

cowboy n. 1. One of questionable professional integrity. This is similar to the term ``turkey'' as used within IBM.

crackers n. 1. Firecrackers. 2. A small gift, usually tubular in shape, which if pulled sharply at the ends will open with a pop (crack). These are quite common at Christmas and are known as Christmas crackers. adj. 1. bonkers.

crayon n. 1. Crayon. 2. Colored pencil.

creamed teas n. 1. A traditional snack widely served in the U.K. It consists of tea, scones (a type of muffin), and generous portions of clotted cream and jelly (probably strawberry).

creche (cresh) n. 1. A parking lot for pre-school-age children (a baby sitting service).

creep n. 1. Bookworm or serious student. This has connotation of a teacher's pet.

cricket n. 1. A game widely played in Britain whose principal purpose is to provide an occasion for one to spend long periods at the local pub. The game has some vague similarities with baseball (denied by fans of both sports). However, cricket is played at a pace which makes baseball seem to be one continuous burst of energy. One game of international cricket is played over a period of five days. Scores often involve hundreds of runs on each side. (A score of 264 to 182 which results in a draw is not untypical.) As with any sport cricket has its own specialized language (which is beyond the scope of this definition). The game of rounders is typically played by school children and much more closely resembles baseball. See also not cricket.

crown n. 1. Five shillings. A quarter of a pound.

cuppah (cup-ah) n. 1. A cup of tea.

cwt abbrev. 1. A hundredweight.

D is for

demerara n. 1. Brown sugar. One usually serves demerara with coffee and sugar with tea.

demijohn n. 1. Bottle used in the fermenting step of wine making.

diary n. 1. Appointment calendar.

digs n. 1. Long term rented accommodation in a private house, often used by university students and itinerant workers. Typical digs comprise a bedroom and access to a bathroom and toilet. The bathroom and toilet are normally shared with the family that own the house. The bedroom may be shared with other tenants. Some meals or cooking facilities may be provided. Meals are often shared with the family. Cooking facilities are often masterpieces of miniaturisation beside which the achievements of calculator makers pale into insignificance. Members of the opposite sex are not allowed in (or even near) digs. This rule is strictly enforced by the landlady, invariably a light sleeper with super-acute hearing. Note that digs is always plural, as in ``Have you got a flat yet?'' `` No, I'm still in digs.'' Or, ``What are your digs like?'' ``OK, except for the landlady's man-eating alsatian.'' Short term or holiday digs are never called digs, instead they are called bed and breakfast or B and B. A bedsit is a digs with an absentee landlady.

DIY abbrev. 1. Do It Yourself. Timber yards would probably have DIY prominently displayed outside.

dole n. 1. Welfare or Social Security, as in, ``He hasn't worked for months---been on the dole.''

dollar n. 1. Five shillings or 25 pence. This has its origins from ``Thaler,'' an Austrian coin of very wide circulation, both in the Mediterranean and elsewhere, from about 1600 on. The word was in comparatively wide circulation in English by about 1720 (a period of great shortage of silver British coinage). Its use in U.K. English predates the decision of the Continental Congress to adopt it as the official name for the U.S. currency.

dolly pegs n. 1. Wooden clothes pins made from one piece of wood (not two pieces of wood with a metal spring between). Dolly pegs used to be made into tiny dolls, hence the name.

dormobile n. 1. A small camper bus. This was originally a model name of such a camper.

doss around v. 1. To slum. A doss house is for vagrants to stay the night at. As in, ``I wanted a year off before university, but I also wanted to do something positive and not just doss around.''

draughts (drahfts) n. 1. The game of checkers. 2. Wind currents prevented by double glazing. (The English do not have a word ``drafts'').

drawing pin n. 1. Thumb tack.

drinking up time phrase. 1. Period of ten minutes following the end of pub licensing hours (time) allowed for customers to finish their drinks. Anyone who still has a drink after drinking up time is breaking the law.

driving licence n. 1. Driver's licence. Serious driving offences are recorded directly on your U.K. driving licence and are known as endorsements. Three of these and you're done driving.

dual carriageway n. 1. Divided highway.

dustbin n. 1. Trash barrel.

dynamo n. 1. Generator.

E is for

earth adj. 1. Ground (when said of electrical wiring), as in, ``To be safe, be certain your appliances always have an earth wire.''

elevenses n. 1. Morning coffee (tea) break.

Elizabeth II n. 1. Englishman's designation for the current queen. Pillar boxes in England have ER II (Elizabeth Regina) cast on them. Elizabeth I is the Scotsman's designation for the current queen. Pillar boxes in Scotland with ER II on them have been known to be blown up. The discrepancy arises because Mary Queen of Scots ruled Scotland when Elizabeth I ruled England, thus the current Elizabeth is Scotland's first.

engaged adj. 1. Busy. A telephone may be engaged. Similarly, a public toilet may also be engaged. (But see vacant.)

fag n. 1. Cigarette. This term has no sexual preference connotations. Imagine the reaction an Englishman gets on holiday in the United States when he innocently asks for a fag. 2. A schoolboy forced to do menial tasks for another. 3. Hard work, as in, ``I can't be bothered to do that. It's too much of a fag.'' adj. 1. Tired, as in, ``He worked all day and is all fagged out.''

faggot n. 1. A sausage-like meat. These are also known as savoury ducks in some areas of Britain. To be authentic these should contain seaweed. adj. 1. An insult applied to women, as in, ``She's an old faggot.''

fanny n. 1. The female pudenda, not the posterior. This word is not in common use in polite British society.

flannel n. 1. Face cloth. 2. A type of cloth used for making trousers. This is not the towelling used for making face cloths. Flannels (trousers) are made of flannel. (Confusion is avoided since trousers are not used to wipe the face in the U.K.). v. 1. To talk without meaning as in, ``I don't know what to say. Nevermind, I'll just flannel.''

flap jacks n. 1. A thin cake made in a pan from oats and eaten at tea. Golden syrup is often put on these.

flash adj. 1. Expensive looking and suggesting the owner wishes to flaunt it, as in a ``flash car.'' n. 1. Exposure of the genitals, as in, ``I was just waiting for me bus, when this bloke comes up and gives me a quick flash.''

Fleet Street n. 1. A phrase used to refer collectively to the national newspapers of England. Fleet Street in London is where all the national newspaper offices are to be found. As in, ``Fleet Street today reported that Prime Minister Thatcher . . .'' National newspapers are something unfamiliar to most Americans. [This is no longer true since the introduction of USA Today.] There are a number of newspapers which are available over the entire nation and deal almost exclusively with news of national interest. These are all morning papers and are extensively read. Local newspapers are usually evening papers (some with two editions) and deal with local events. They seldom have much national news. Typically one will get two or more newspapers a day in England. The national newspapers are of two basic types, tabloids and (real) newspapers. The Sun consistently leads the tabloids in outrageous taste. It may be instructive to note that the tabloids have the largest circulation of all the national newspapers in the United Kingdom. The Financial Times is the equivalent of the Wall Street Journal and deals only in business news. This paper is printed on faded orange-colored paper so everyone will know the reader is a member of the business community and will be impressed. The Guardian is a liberal newspaper that more closely resembles a magazine in format, rather than a newspaper. The Times is the establishment newspaper, taking a basically middle-of-the-road view. The Daily Express is similar to the tabloid, The Daily Mail. The Telegraph is an extreme right wing newspaper and is read mostly by the conservative element. See also Page Three and tabloid.

flex n. 1. Extension cord. A cable is the stiff wire used to wire your house (i.e. from the mains to your plug).

flyover n. 1. Overpass.

floor n. 1. The British (and Europeans as well) start counting floors of a building with zero. The first floor is the ground floor, the second is the first floor, etc.

free house n. 1. Not the greatest land deal since the Indians sold Manhattan, but a pub which is actually owned by the publican. Most pubs are owned by a brewery whose name will be found on the outside of the building in large letters (e.g. Courage or Whitbread). A brewery-owned pub will serve only their own brand of drink. A free house has no such restriction and will probably offer several different brands. In a similar context there are also free off licence shops to be found.

French dressing n. 1. Italian dressing. The English have no equivalent of the American's French dressing.

French leave n. 1. Absent without leave (AWOL).

French letter n. 1. A prophylactic. A rubber. Curiously the French term for the same item is ``Capote Anglaise'' (English overcoat). Grafitto found on a contraceptive machine: ``Not available during French postal strike.''

frightfully frightfully (frah-flly frah-flly) adj. 1. Describing someone who is attempting to act ever so very proper. As in, ``He was just frightfully frightfully.'' The origin of this stems from the overuse of the word when people are acting in this manner. See also county.

fringe n. 1. Hair bangs.

fruit machine n. 1. One armed bandit. Slot machine. The modern electric variety are common features in many pubs.

full stop n. 1. A period. The thing at the end of this sentence.

G is for

gallon n. 1. A gallon plus 25%. This means a pint is an enormous 20 ounces. This fact puts a whole new meaning on pint of.

gammon n. 1. Ham.

gamp n. 1. Umbrella. Brolly.

gannet n. 1. Pig. Someone who eats anything and everything.

garden n. 1. Yard. A garden is called a vegetable garden.

gateau (ga-toe) n. 1. Cake.

gc abbrev. 1. Newspaper advertisement abbreviation meaning Good Condition. vgc is used so extensively that when one sees gc, it serves as a warning that the item is probably pretty grotty.

gen up (jen up) v. 1. To acquire knowledge, as in, ``To gen up on the Falklands.'' The term is derived from the phrase general information.

geyser (gee-zer) n. 1. A notoriously dangerous gas apparatus which was used to provide hot water. This device was mounted at the tap itself and heated the water as it was drawn from the tap. The phrase to put the geyser on means to heat up the water.

ghillie (gill-ee) n. 1. Scottish in origin, the term describes a gamekeeper who serves as both a conservationist to protect wild game and as a guide for hunters. Using a ghillie has very strong upper class connotations. Only those of the proper class would employ a ghillie (even though the ghillie is himself a commoner). The Glorious Twelfth (twelfth of August) starts the upper class hunting season.

girl guide n. 1. Girl Scout. The (Girl) Scouts are usually called the guides.

glasshouse n. 1. Greenhouse.

gob n. 1. Slang term for mouth. v. 1. To spit. Because of this second term, the British find our use of ``gobs of something'' as being rather crude. A gobstopper is a large piece of candy which will last a very long time.

goolies n. 1. Balls. Testicles.

grammar school n. 1. School for 11--18 year olds who are studying for their O-levels and A-levels. (These are now almost extinct.)

greengrocer n. 1. A small grocery store which deals only with fruits and vegetables. This type of store will not likely handle any canned items or non-foods like detergents etc.

grit bin n. 1. Roadside barrel of sand for use when roads are slippery.

guernsey (gansee in northern England) n. 1. A particular style of sweater which was originally worn by people from the island of Guernsey. Similarly, a jersey is a different style of sweater which originated on the neighboring island of Jersey. Today these are used interchangeably with ``sweater.''

guide dog n. 1. Seeing-eye dog.

guinea n. 1. Originally 21 shillings, but now one pound plus five pence. Five percent is the auctioneer's commission. If one bids in guineas, rather than pounds, one then has automatically the full price one must pay. A current vicious rumor has it that banks in the United Kingdom use guineas when you must pay (i.e. interest) and pounds when they must pay you. There is no substantiation to this.

gymkhana n. 1. A very amateur horse competition.

gymslip n. 1. A long pinafore worn by girls in gym class.

H is for

had one's chips phrase. 1. To be finished or done for, as in, ``He's had his chips.''

hair grips n. 1. Bobby pins.

half (haaaf) n. 1. English for half a pint (by default, of bitter). 2. Scots for a single measure of whisky. In Scotland, ``a pint and a half means a pint of heavy and a measure of whisky; in England it means a pint of bitter and a half pint of bitter.

half a crown n. 1. Obsolete coin worth 2/6 (pronounced two and six), meaning two shillings and six old pence.

half penny (hay-pen-ee) n. 1. Half penny. Currently, its only use to to become stuck in corners of purses or pockets.

hall n. 1. Entry, as in the entry way to a house or other building and not a corridor. 2. Bedsit style accommodation provided (for rent) by a university or other higher education institution for resident students. As in, ``Are you looking for a flat?'' ``No, I'm in hall.'' See also digs.

heavy n. 1. Scots for bitter.

HGV abbrev. 1. Heavy Goods Vehicle.

hire adj. 1. Rent, as in ``a hire car'' instead of a rental car. Note that hire cars will normally have a manual transmission unless an automatic is specifically requested. One may also see a hire lorry, hire tipper or even a hire anorak. One of the largest firms dealing in rental clothes is Moss Brothers (usually abbreviated Moss Bros.). This firm is so commonly known that Mossbros is used to mean a hired suit (or whatever). As in, ``I've got my Mossbros on.''

hob n. 1. A single cooking ring that one cooks upon. 2. A collection of cooking rings. There seems to be no agreement on this.

hooker n. 1. Not a prostitute, but a member of a rugby scrum.

hooter n. 1. A horn. 2. A derogatory term for the nose, as in, ``He's got quite a hooter.''

hoover n. 1. Vacuum cleaner. This may or may not be made by the Hoover Vacuum Cleaner Company. v. 1. To clean using a vacuum cleaner, as in, ``I hoovered the carpets today.''

HP abbrev. 1. Standing for hire purchase, meaning to buy something in installments. As in, ``Everything he has is on the HP.''

hugger-mugger (hug-ah mug-ah) phrase. 1. All in turmoil, as in, ``After the storm hit, everything was hugger-mugger.''

hump v. 1. To carry something that is very heavy, to lug. As in, ``I was humping it all over the place.'' n. 1. To be upset about something, as in, ``He's got the hump over his last job appraisal.''

hundredweight n. 1. Eight stone (112 pounds), abbreviated cwt.

I is for

ice lolly n. 1. Popsicle. The term iced lolly may also be used.

Imperial units n. 1. The adjective Imperial here is used to describe the English or standard system of measurement (as opposed to the metric system of measurement). The Imperial system of measurement uses the terms miles, yards, feet, gallons, quarts etc.

in a paddy phrase. 1. To be angry, as in, ``Crestfallen Charlie stomped off the field in a paddy yesterday after his team were trounced at Windsor. But Di soon had him smiling again.''

juggernaut n. 1. A very large lorry, probably from the continent. The difference between a lorry and a juggernaut will be immediately apparent if you should meet each of them on a narrow road.

Juggernaut is an Indian (i.e. from India) god.

jumble sale n. 1. Garage sale. This is typically not held in a garage since the garage would be too small. Oddly enough, one finds these are often held in churches.

jumper n. 1. Sweater.

K is for

keep your hair on phrase. 1. Phrase used to calm someone down, similar to ``Keep your shirt on.''

keep your pecker up phrase. 1. Keep smiling, be happy. (Honest folks, it's true!)

kit n. 1. Gear. Equipment or baggage necessary for a task or trip (particularly sports equipment).

knacker adj. 1. Tired out, as in, ``I'm knackered.'' n. 1. As in knacker's yard, which is a slaughter house which processes meat that is not to be used for human consumption. (Cf. abattoir.) 2. Balls. Testicles.

knickers n. 1. Bloomers. Old ladies underwear which are loose, baggy, made of flannel and come to the knees. A knickerbocker glory is an ice cream concoction similar to a giant banana split. The phrase ``Don't get your knickers in a twist'' is a plea not to get upset about something.

knock up v. 1. This is a tennis term. It means to warm up by volleying before actually commencing a game. I'll leave you to imagine the reaction a woman got when, after arriving for her fist game of tennis in the U.S., she innocently asked when they ``were going to knock up.'' 2. Another use of this term is to ask someone ``to knock me up in the morning.'' This is used to ask someone to wake you in the morning.

L is for

ladder n. 1. A run, in women's stockings.

lady's fingers n. 1. Okra.

lager n. 1. Name for a type of non-British (i.e. continental) beer that is commonly available. This is closer to what an American will recognize taste-wise as beer. It is, however, substantially stronger than that to be found in the United States.

larder n. 1. Pantry.

laver bread (lavah bred) n. 1. An edible seaweed (originally from Wales).

lay-by n. 1. Roadside rest area.

L-driver n. 1. A learner-driver. By law one who is learning to drive must warn others by posting a sign on his car with a large red `L' on a white background. This sign may also be used in situations to warn others a novice is to be found. At a local folk festival, one of the dancers prominently displayed an `L' on his hat.

local n. 1. The pub one normally frequents, as in, ``Meet you at the local at lunch for some arrows.''

loft n. 1. Attic of a house.

lollipop lady/man n. 1. School crossing guard. The name is derived from the shape of the warning sign carried (e.g. in the shape of a lollipop).

lolly n. 1. Money. 2. Popsicle.

long drink n. 1. Tall drink.

lounge n. 1. Living room. Drawing room. Sitting room.

lounge bar n. 1. A bar found in a pub which is typically much better furnished than the public bar and is therefore a bit more expensive for the same brew. This portion of the pub will probably have carpeting and chairs. Historically, this was reserved for the upper class. This may also be known as a saloon bar.

love n. 1. A term used to refer to a person. It is quite commonly used by working class women. Oddly enough, this is a very neutral term and does not imply the speaker has any great affection for you. It is mildly disturbing to an American to have total strangers (be they birds or not) calling him ``love,'' as in, ``That'll be 25p, love.'' Duck may also be used like love. The Scots may use hen for love.

lucky dip n. 1. A grab bag. This is often featured at a fete.

M is for

macintosh n. 1. Raincoat, also known as a mac.

mains n. 1. The place where the gas or electricity may be turned on or off. Oddly enough this is always plural even if you refer to the shutoff for just one utility. As in, ``Before disconnecting the cooker, be sure the mains are disconnected.''

maisonette n. 1. An apartment which covers one floor of a building. A two story building might be divided into two apartments, one on each floor (maisonettes).

mangle n. 1. Large rollers used to squeeze water from wet clothes, i.e. the ringer-part of a ringer washer.

marks and sparks n. 1. Nickname for Marks and Spencer's, a prominent retailer in the U.K.

marmite n. 1. A spread made from yeast extract that is similar to bovril.

marrow n. 1. A type of summer squash similar to zucchini.

marzipan n. 1. A confectionary made from almond paste.

match n. 1. A game, as in, ``The football match begins at 3 p.m.''

measure n. 1. A unit quantity of spirits as served in a pub. This quantity is regulated by law and must be exactly one fifth of a gill (in England) or one sixth of a gill (in Scotland). A notice must be displayed to say which size measure is in use.

MEP abbrev. 1. Member of the European Parliament.

mild n. 1. Name for a type of English beer which is sweeter and darker than bitter.

milk float n. 1. An electric vehicle the milkman drives.

mincemeat n. 1. Hamburger. Also written mince meat or simply mince. 2. Mincemeat as used in mince pies. Note that the sweet stuff used for filling pies has evolved from a pie filling that was once made mainly from meat.

mixer tap n. 1. A tap at a sink which delivers both hot and cold water. This is not as common as an American would expect. There is a law in the U.K. which requires that mixer taps do not actually mix the water inside the tap itself, but it must be mixed outside in the air. This apparently stems from a concern that the cistern may be contaminated and if the mixer tap allowed the two streams of water to mix and the mains pressure was too low, contaminated water might escape into the community water supply. This law results in the aggravating situation that water delivered by a mixer tap actually comes out in two streams, one cold and one hot, thereby defeating the major advantage of a mixer tap! This problem can be overcome by plumbing both the hot and cold water from the cistern, resulting in a water source with lower water pressure.

Mmmm. . . phrase. 1. ``Expression'' meaning

Yes,

Yes, probably,

Yes, but not now, or

No.

moggie n. 1. Slang term for an ordinary cat. A tabby.

MOT abbrev. 1. A form of legalised robbery that works as follows: Every year you are obliged by law to obtain a certificate of roadworthiness (MOT) for your three year old (or older) car. Only a garage is allowed to issue an MOT. A garage will not issue an MOT until you agree to various expensive ``repairs.'' If you don't believe that a particular part needs replacement you can always try another garage, but you must pay a fee (five pounds) to the first garage in any case. 2. Ministry Of Transport. (There is no such ministry now. What was the MOT is now the Department of Transport).

motorway n. 1. A limited access highway. An Interstate.

mug up v. 1. To cram, to swot.

mummy n. 1. Mommy.

N is for

naff off v. 1. A jocular term used to tell someone to go away. This is reportedly a favorite expression of Princess Anne. The term was invented for a TV comedy show called Porridge. (Porridge is a slang term for a prison, as in, ``Where have you been these last few years? Been in porridge.'')

natter v. 1. To speak in a non-stop manner about unimportant things, as in, ``Stop nattering on so and tell me what you want.'' Other variations of natter include chin wag, flannel, rabbit and waffle.

natty adj. 1. A somewhat derogatory term meaning flashy. A spiv would likely be a natty dresser.

navvy (nah-vee) n. 1. Laborer. This was originally a ``navigator'' who was one who worked on the construction of canals.

N.B. abbrev. 1. Officially in American, but almost never understood, this term means ``Nota Bene'' (note well).

net curtains n. 1. Sheer curtains (sheers).

nicker n. 1. Pound Sterling. Quid.

nipper n. 1. A young boy, a kid. One of the jobs for young boys on sailing ships was to coil the large anchor rope as it was pulled in. To assist in this the boy had a hook called a nipper which he used to ``grab'' the rope.

not cricket adj. 1. Falling short of the highest standards of good sportsmanship. As in, ``Disguising yourself as a bush so as to take pictures of the Princess of Wales disporting herself in a swimming costume and selling the pictures to Fleet Street is not cricket.''

nought n. 1. The number zero.

noughts and crosses n. 1. The game of tic tac toe.

O is for

Punter: Ham, egg, bacon, tomato and chips, please.

Waitress: Ham's off.

Punter: OK, egg, bacon, tomato and chips, please.

Waitress: Egg's off.

Punter: Bacon, tomato and chips?

Waitress: Bacon's off.

Punter: Spam sandwich, please.

off sales n. 1. Part of a pub that functions as an off licence.

offside Adj. 1. The left-hand side of a car, as in, the ``offside of a car.'' The fast lane of a road is on this side of the car. The side near the payment is called the nearside.

Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all phrase. 1. Special form of ``etc.'' intended to imply amusement or exasperation at the large number of items. The term originates with a folk song ``Widdicombe Fair'' that has a chorus listing a large number of people and ends ``Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all.'' Example: ``We have installed DOS/VSE, VSE/Power, VSE/Advanced Function, ACF/VTAM, ACF/NCP/VS, VSE/VSAM, and Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all.''

O-levels n. 1. An exam which is the first part of the General Certificate of Education needed in order to attend the university. After completing this exam, one may attend a sixth form college to study for his A-levels. These exams are taken at age 16.

ono abbrev. 1. Newspaper advertisement abbreviation for Or Nearest Offer.

on/off adj. 1. Down/up when dealing with light switches in the U.K. To turn a light switch on, push the switch down; off is up. In addition to lights, most U.K. wall sockets (called points) have small switches in them. Additionally, many plugs (either on flexes or at the end of an appliance) will have a fuse inside. This means you have several more places to look when something won't turn on. A similar reversal occurs with store doors. American shop external doors often open outwards, whereas their British counterparts never do. This leads to push/pull meaning pull/push.

on the game n. 1. Prostitute, as in, ``See that bird over there? Looks like she's on the game.'' A man in a car looking for someone on the game is a kerb crawler.

Order of the Boot phrase. 1. To be made redundant. This undoubtedly stems from the names of several royal orders established by kings and queens over the centuries (e.g. the Order of the Garter or the Order of the Bath).

orienteering n. 1. A game which closely resembles a car rally in which participants are on foot and are provided a map of places to find.

out on the tiles phrase. 1. Having a riotous time out for the evening. The term probably originates from sleeping on the (tiled) front stoop which is what you must do after the wife has locked you out.

overalls n. 1. A light coat worn over normal clothes to protect them from getting dirty. See also boiler suit.

Page Three n. 1. The phrase refers to the picture of a bare breasted woman which is always to be found on page three of the national newspaper, The Sun. Hence, anything which is worthy of being on Page Three is not really held in high regard. The phrase is a favorite with comedians in the U.K. See also Fleet Street and tabloid.

panda n. 1. A small car used by police in rural areas. These were originally white with black doors.

pantechnicon n. 1. Moving van. A truck used by movers. This is normally shortened to pantech (pan-tek').

pantomime n. 1. A type of play usually put on around Christmas. It is ostensibly for children, but there is much to be found that an adult would enjoy. The play is a farce with much slapstick humor and lots of audience participation. This often takes the form of someone on the stage saying something like, ``Oh, no I won't'' in a defiant tone of voice. To this the screaming children retort ``Oh, yes, you will.'' This banter continues for several rounds until he finally does.

pants n. 1. Shorts, briefs, underwear, but not pants.

paper handkerchief n. 1. Kleenex.

paper round n. 1. Paper route.

paraffin n. 1. Kerosene. You really need to know this when the instructions for your Raleigh Sport (bicycle) tells you to clean the chain with paraffin.

parky adj. 1. Chilly, as in, ``It's parky in here. Can we turn on the boiler?''

pasty (pah-stee) n. 1. A type of meat and potato pie. Pasties may come from either Cornwall or Devonshire (where they are called tiddy oggies). A Cornish pasty purchased outside Cornwall resembles a sausage roll that's been stood on and does not resemble one bought in Cornwall. There's also a curry pasty which is a delicious Jamaican concoction available from superior chippies.

patience n. 1. The card game solitaire.

pavement n. 1. Sidewalk. These may be as narrow as six inches wide. The English seemingly have no concerns about walking along their extremely narrow pavement with cars whizzing past within inches. This observation does not, however, hold true when a coach, double decker, lorry or juggernaut comes rumbling down the road. One can always identify Americans in England. They are the terrified-looking people who are hugging the walls which line the pavement.

pay and display n. 1. U.K. version of metered parking without the meters.

pint of (pint-ah) n. 1. The basic unit of drink in the U.K., as in, ``A pint of bitter, please.'' One should never ask for half a pint as the bartender will only hear the word pint. If you really must have half a pint, refrain from using pint and say, ``Half of bitter, please.'' See also gallon.

pitch n. 1. A playing field for a sport, as in a soccer pitch, a rugby pitch, etc. ``The pitch is in good condition today, as it only rained two inches this morning.''

plain as a pikestaff phrase. 1. Plain as can be.

plaits (plat) n. 1. Hair braids.

plasterboard n. 1. Sheet rock.

ploughman's n. 1. A traditional pub lunch which consists of bread, cheese, and pickled onions.

plus fours n. 1. Baggy knickerbockers. The name comes from the extra four inches of material needed to make them baggy. There are also plus twos which are similar, but less common than plus fours. Another theory has it that the name comes from the number of inches below the knee the knickerbockers come.

PM abbrev. 1. The Prime Minister, Margaret (Maggie) Thatcher.

pony n. 1. 25 quid. 2. A revolting drink available at your local pub.

poofter n. 1. A homosexual. Fag.

pop v. 1. To go or put quickly, as in, ``I'll just pop in and pick up a new pair of plimsolls.''

posh adj. 1. An acronym for Port Out, Starboard Home and meaning upper class travel by boat (usually between India and the U.K.). Traveling posh meant your room was not in the sun for the trip and therefore much cooler. Since this was very desirable, these rooms were more expensive and were snapped up by the wealthy making posh become associated with luxury and snobbish behavior. [This derivation has since been discredited. --b]

post box n. 1. Mail box for posting letters. Pillar box.

postman n. 1. Mailman.

private school n. 1. An upper class private school which is not as private as a public school.

proof n. 1. Measure of alcoholic strength. Proof is not the same as proof. Most drinks in the U.K. are now marked with alcohol percentage as well as proof. One U.S. proof is 0.5% alcohol. UK 100 proof is such that when added to standard Navy gunpowder and ignited, the mixture will burn. Crazy as it sounds, it was an excellent test, requiring no special equipment, and easily repeatable in the field (i.e. after boarding a suspected smuggler's ship). (Today it is defined in some other way, but that was the origin.) Pure alcohol is 175 proof. Thus 80 proof = 40% alcohol = 70 proof.

PTO abbrev. 1. Please Turn Over, commonly found at the bottom of forms.

pub n. 1. Short for public house. This is a clean comfortable bar (something beyond the experience of most Americans). It is close in comparison to a German Gaestaette in congeniality. Pubs may likely be divided into two separate bars, called lounges (or saloons) and public bars. Children are permitted in a pub, but not within the bars. The rules for minors in pubs are complex. Some follow.

1. In a pub room that has a bar, a child of 14 may enter, but not stand or sit at the bar or drink alcohol (but can sniff glue).
2. In a pub room that has a bar, a child of 16 may enter and may stand or sit at the bar, but not drink alcohol.
3. It's a very bad idea to disagree with the publican's perception of the law relating to his pub.

publican n. 1. Licensee of a pub. Also called a landlady or landlord depending on the gender of the publican. Speculation: What, then, is a republican?

public bar n. 1. A bar found in a pub which is typically used by the common laborer. In this portion of a pub, there is no concern about muddy wellies. Historically, this was reserved for the lower classes. Darts will be played here, but never in a saloon bar. A public bar is also known by the attractive and evocative name spit and sawdust which refers to a type of floor covering in use before the invention of carpets.

public school n. 1. An upper class private school. The U.K. remains a very class conscious society. If one wishes to be really successful in the U.K., it is deemed necessary that he attend a private or public school. It is very difficult for one who is educated in a state school (regardless of his abilities) to break into some areas of the society (especially government (an MP for example), corporate leaders or professors). This means that aspiring parents may start saving and even contact a school when their children are only a couple of years old. Education in a private or public school is extremely expensive. Curiously, having completed a public or private school education (and passing the exams), entrance to the university is much easier. University education is publicly funded and hence does not pose a heavy burden on the parents.

pull up a bollard phrase. 1. A friendly invitation to sit down. This phrase originated with the Goon Show which was a famous radio program in the 1950s. The Goon Show was a hilarious comedy with Peter Sellers, Spike Mulligan, Harry Secombe and Michael Bentine and was responsible for launching their careers. It was carried on the BBC World broadcasts and had listeners worldwide.

punnet n. 1. A little basket in which fruit such as strawberries, raspberries, etc. is sold. Fruit is sold in the U.K. by weight (e.g. per pound) rather than by volume (e.g. per pint).

punter n. 1. A gambler, especially one who places bets with a bookie. 2. One who pays for goods or services provided by a spiv or similar, a sucker.

purse n. 1. A pocketbook. A purse is something a lady puts her money into and then puts the purse into her handbag.

push chair n. 1. Stroller.

Q is for

Queen Anne's dead phrase. 1. This phrase is repeated by children whenever someone's petticoat is showing. Charlie's dead is also used in this context.

queer as a clockwork orange phrase. 1. Very strange, as in, ``He's queer as a clockwork orange.'' Another similar phrase is ``queer as a two pound note'' which should sound similar to the American phrase ``queer as a three dollar bill.''

queue v. 1. To stand in line. n. 1. A line, as in, ``a queue of people waiting for . . . (everything).''

quid n. 1. One pound.

quids in phrase. 1. To have it made, as in, ``If this works out, we're quids in.''

real ale n. 1. In recent years there has been an effort to resurrect the more traditional ales of earlier periods. These are known as real ale and resemble bitter in taste and color. They are, however, rather much stronger in taste and alcoholic content. There is a real ale club whose supposed purpose is to encourage the making of real ale by traditional methods. It would appear this is done largely by consuming as much real ale as is possible.

red Indian n. 1. American Indian. Indian would be understood by the British to mean one from India.

rhubarb n. 1. Nonsense or noise spoken by a person. The origin of this term comes from the stage. People in crowd scenes who are to make ``crowd noises'' might say, ``rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb. . . .'' This is exactly the background sound one hears in the houses of Parliament. Whether the other MPs agree or disagree with the speaker of the moment, one hears a rumble which sounds remarkably like ``rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb. . . .'' I'm told the reason for such Parliamentary grunting is because the MPs are not allowed to clap or boo.

right adj. 1. Left, as in, ``The British drive on the right side of the road. Everyone else (except the Japanese and some others) is wrong.''

ring up v. 1. To telephone, as in, `I'll ring you up when I've earned enough to pay for the call.''

rising main n. 1. The cold water supply into a house.

rock n. 1. A type of candy in the form of a rod, usually pink on the outside and white inside. Traditionally this is bought at the seaside. A ``stick of rock'' is not rock candy.

rollie pollie n. 1. School child term for somersault.

rollmops n. 1. Pickled or soused herring.

rota n. 1. A list drawn up to determine the rotating order something will happen. A morning ladies group might have a rota of whose house will be used for which meeting.

rotter (raaahhhter) n. 1. A public school derogatory term for someone who lets the side down or plays dirty.

roundabout n. 1. Traffic circle. A British version of billiards played with automobiles. This is an attempt by the British to avoid the dilemma Americans have when four cars come simultaneously to a four-way stop. The British solve this by allowing everyone to continue into the intersection without stopping. 2. Carousel.

rubber n. 1. Eraser.

rug n. 1. Car blanket.

rugby n. 1. Short form for rugby football. This is a football-like game played without the footballer's padding and equipment. This is a favorite game of Ireland, Scotland and Wales (and many others) whose national teams are closely followed. When Ireland won the triple crown of rugby in 1982, one pub alone in Ireland served up 30,000 pints of stout in the ensuing victory celebration. Note there is an important distinction between rugby union which is an international amateur sport and rugby league which is a kind of legal rioting (professional sport). Note also that rugby is not the national sport of Eire---they play hurling which is a cross between hockey and Death Race 2000.

rugger n. 1. An upper class term for rugby union. (See rugby.)

rugger bugger n. 1. Someone obsessed with rugby. A rugby freak.

S is for

saloon bar n. 1. See lounge bar.

sanitary towel n. 1. Tampons. You may also see this abbreviated ST.

satsuma n. 1. Mandarin orange.

scrumpy n. 1. A type of alcoholic drink made by from apples (and, by common supposition, dead rats) much drunk in some country areas of England. Do not confuse scrumpy with cider whatever anyone tells you. v. 1. To scrump is to steal fruit from trees. This term is commonly used to refer to boys pinching apples (or the like). It is not clear if scrump has any relationship to scrumpy.

secateurs n. 1. Pruning shears.

secondary school n. 1. School for 11-16 year olds. One completes his ordinary education at 16 in the U.K. Upon completion of this, the child may take a series of tests (called CSEs or O-levels). One may also hear of a comprehensive secondary school, where the term comprehensive only denotes that children of mixed abilities attend the school (e.g. handicapped, ordinary and exceptional children all attend the same school). This form is the norm for state schools.

secondment (emphasis on the second syllable) n. 1. A temporary change of jobs somewhat like a sabbatical.

serviette n. 1. Napkin, usually made of paper. You may be greeted with some raised eyebrows if you ask for a napkin in a British restaurant. They may understand you to mean a sanitary towel or a nappy.

shagged out adj. 1. Tired out, whacked or knackered. Generally this is not polite as it most often implies being knackered due to heavy sexual exertion. If you are shagged out, people need not ask why.

shandy n. 1. A drink composed of equal parts of bitter and lemonade (called lemonade shandy) or bitter and ginger beer (called ginger beer shandy). Both are available as non-alcoholic canned drinks for children. (Non-alcoholic has legal meaning of under two percent by volume).

shanks pony phrase. 1. By foot, as in, ``Without petrol for me car, I had to get there by shanks pony.'' Also, shanks mare.

sharp adj. 1. Of suspicious origin. Shady. Underhanded. A ``sharp car'' is not one you should buy. The term ``card sharp'' is also used. The term is often used to describe a practice which, although legal, is probably immoral. One such sharp practice involved a solicitor who both sold a house and did the legal paperwork for the buyers. He wrote into the contract a clause allowing him to buy the property back in the future for the original amount! Legal, perhaps---but definitely a sharp lawyer!

shilling n. 1. Five pence. [Also twelve old pence.]

shooting brake n. 1. Station wagon.

shooting stick n. 1. A walking stick which folds out into a seat.

shorts n. 1. Any pair of shorts which may vary in length from short (as in tennis shorts) to long (as in bermuda shorts).

shout n. 1. Round, as in, ``What you having?'' ``All right, mate, it's my shout.''

sick as a parrot phrase. 1. Very displeased. This is the exact opposite of over the moon.

sideboards n. 1. Sideburns.

sidesman n. 1. An usher at a church.

silencer n. 1. Car muffler.

silly Billy n. 1. A foolish person, as in, ``Don't be a silly Billy, join a car pool.''

silverside n. 1. Corned beef as from a New York deli.

Sindy n. 1. A Barbie-like doll sold in the United Kingdom. As with her American counterpart, one may purchase Sindy clothes which cost almost as much as their real versions.

sister n. 1. A nurse equivalent to an R.N. There is no connotation of religious affiliation in the British term. A matron is a charge or head nurse who has management responsibilities in addition to nursing duties.

sixes n. 1. Home run, as in, ``Hit them for six'' as used by Field Marshall Montgomery in inspirational addresses to his troops on the eve of battle. The term comes from cricket.

sixth form college n. 1. A school for 16--18 year olds who have completed secondary school and are studying for their A-levels.

skirting board n. 1. Baseboard.

skittles n. 1. A game similar to bowling played when one of the pins is lost leaving you with only nine pins.

skive v. 1. To avoid work. ``To skive off'' is to take a day off work. A school boy who regularly skips school might be called a skiver.

skivvy v. 1. To do menial tasks, as in, ``You don't expect me to skivvy for you, do you?'' It may also be used as a noun to refer to one who does menial tasks (e.g. a kind of maid).

slang v. 1. To hurl insults at someone, as in ``a slanging session.''

slate v. 1. To denigrate. A politician might be slated if the newspaper headlines read ``MP suspected in homosexual scandal.'' Slate never means slate (a list of people, as in a slate of candidates). n. 1. Credit to buy something, as in the following exchange.

Publican: That'll be two quid.

Customer: Put it on the slate.

Publican: How'd you like a bunch of fives, mate?

slide n. 1. A hair barrette.

slipper n. 1. Whipping instrument with which a girl's school head mistress administers corporal punishment to an unruly student. The cane or birch is often used in boy's schools.

slog n. 1. Hard work, as in, ``Configuring any NCP is a slog.'' v. 1. To work hard, as in, ``They slogged up the hill with 50 pound rucksacks.'' 2. To hit hard, especially at cricket, as in, ``Don't just stand there, slog the ball.'' Speculation: Is this the origin of the term ``baseball slugger''?

smack n. 1. A spanking. British parents never spank their children, but rather smack them. The standard British parental threat is ``If you (don't). . . , I'll smack you.''

smarmy adj. 1. Offensively suave and smug. A used car salesman might be said to be smarmy.

smarties n. 1. M&M's of more than one color.

snottylittleupperclasstwit (must be said very fast and all run together) n. 1. Term used for a public school boy who nicked a light from your bicycle.

snug n. 1. A tiny private area where one may be alone. Schools often have a snug for small children to retreat into for quiet reading periods.

solicitor n. 1. A lawyer who deals only in legal paperwork such as making wills, real estate transfers and other legal paperwork. A solicitor may not represent a client in a court of law. See also barrister.

sorbet (sor-bay') n. 1. Sherbet ice cream, also known as a water ice.

Soton abbrev. 1. Southampton. In an effort to economize and reduce the excessive amount of information on roadsigns, this city's name was abbreviated to Soton (sometimes lengthened to So'ton). Since Soton is a major city in Hants, the uninitiated will find that seemingly all roads in Hants lead to Soton. The U.K. abounds in such abbreviations such as Salop (pronounced as as written) = Shropshire, and Berks = Berkshire (in general ``shire'' is shortened to `s'). Several counties in the UK have been abolished by law but the law has been widely ignored. Hence Middx = Middlesex and Rutland are still used as names of areas. One of the biggest offenders of this law is the Post Office itself. Letters addressed to Middx will arrive (eventually) and those ``properly'' addressed will be lost!

sovereign n. 1. A solid gold coin with the supposed face value of one pound, i.e. legal tender for one pound. In reality this was worth about fifty pounds. This coin has been used to pay wages as a way to avoid tax. (It didn't work.) There was also a half-sovereign.

spanner n. 1. Open ended wrench.

spanner in the works phrase. 1. To mess something up as in, ``We'll do exactly what management asked, that should put a spanner in the works.''

sparks n. 1. An electrician.

spend a penny phrase. 1. To go to the toilet. The phrase has its origins in the days when most toilet stalls in the loo had locks which would only open after a penny had been inserted. As in the following graffiti.

Here I sit broken hearted,
Paid a penny and only farted.

Or this one.

Definition of torture: Standing outside a loo with a bent penny.

splash n. 1. A small stream which would likely not have a bridge, but people would simple drive through (i.e. splash through). As in, ``Wilson's B and B is on the corner after the splash.''

sport n. 1. The British term for athletics, as in, ``I suppose you men are all talking about sport.''

spot on adv. 1. Accurately. During the invasion of the Falklands by the Argentinian army, the governor's house came under intense fire. After the surrender, governor Hunt went to his daughter's bedroom to rescue a print of a Picasso nude. There was a bullet-hole drilled in her bottom. ``Spot on,'' said Hunt.

squash n. 1. A popular game which somewhat resembles racket ball. 2. A concentrate which when diluted serves as a sweet drink for children. This term is never confused by the British, since their children do not play with what they drink.

ST abbrev. 1. Sanitary towel. This is often seen in toilets.

standing account n. 1. Savings account. This is a term used by English bankers to confuse Americans. Also known as a deposit account. See also current account.

standing out like chapel hatpegs phrase. 1. Bug-eyed in amazement.

sticking plaster n. 1. Band Aid. Elastoplast.

sticky tape n. 1. Scotch tape. Sellotape.

sticky wicket phrase. 1. A difficult situation. This phrase originates in the game of cricket. Jargon peculiar to games would normally not be included in the dictionary, however, sticky wicket is very commonly used. As in this quote of a BBC correspondent about the attack on Goose Green in the Falkland Islands, ``The machine gun nest had us covered. It really was a sticky wicket.'' To understand the derivation of this phrase, one must know a bit about the game. A pitcher (bowler) throws the cricket ball towards the batter (batsman) who will attempt to strike the ball, thereby preventing the ball from hitting three sticks (wickets) behind him. The bowl is not thrown entirely in the air (as in baseball), but is bounced in front of the batter. The playing field is also known as the wicket. After a rain, the wicket may be rather soft (sticky) and this may make the ball do very peculiar things. Playing on a sticky wicket then, puts the batsman in a very difficult situation.

stodgy adj. 1. When said of food, heavy or very filling.

subway n. 1. An walkway under a street. Do not expect to use the London Underground (called the Tube) at a subway.

sultanas n. 1. Raisins.

surgery n. 1. Doctor's office, as in, ``You'd better see a doctor about that. I'll take you to surgery.'' Note that ``the'' in this example was omitted. ``The'' is often omitted in many such phrases. There seems to be no discernible rule when ``the'' may be dropped. 2. Period during which a doctor's office is open to patients. This usage may also be used for periods that politicians might set aside to discuss problems with their constituents. A politician might announce that he would hold a surgery from 10--11 a.m.

suspenders n. 1. Used by women to hold up nylon stockings. This is definitely not something used by a male. Garters used by men to hold up their socks are called sock hangers. Suspenders are braces.

suss out v. 1. To figure something out, to investigate. As in, ``to suss out the competition.''

swede n. 1. Rutabaga.

swings and roundabouts phrase. 1. It's all the same. The full expression is ``What you gain on the swings, you lose on the roundabouts.''

tabloid n. 1. A term used to describe several of the national newspapers, specifically The Sun, The Daily Star, The Daily Mirror and The Daily Mail. A tabloid's page is small (being approximately one-half the page size of a standard newspaper). They are characterised by outlandish, sensationalist headlines at the slightest whim of news. The tabloids were especially active during the Falklands crisis (although real news is not a prerequisite for a tabloid). The tabloids are very popular and competition is fierce among them for readers. The Sun and the Daily Star (the socialist paper) sport a bare breasted bird to keep the readers attention (should the reader get bored with the shallow amount of information in the rest of the paper). The Daily Mail has been distancing itself (in respectability) from the other tabloids and more closely approximates a newspaper. See also Page Three and Fleet Street. The following is a brief summary of the newspapers available here.

The Times: Read by the people who run the country.

Daily Mirror: Read by the people who think they run the country.

Guardian: Read by the people who think they ought to run the country.

Morning Star: Read by the people who think the country ought to be run by another country.

Financial Times: Read by the people who own the country.

Daily Mail: Read by the wives of the people who own the country.

Daily Express: Read by the people who think that the country ought to be run as it used to be.

Daily Telegraph: Read by the people who think it still is.

The Sun: Their readers don't care who runs the country as long as she has big tits.

tanner n. 1. Obsolete term for six old pence.

tannoy n. 1. A public address system, from Tannoy, a British loudspeaker manufacturer. v. 1. To page on a public address system, as in, ``You ought to 'ave 'im tannoyed.'' (To which one pundit thought, ``He should've been here, but his crime wasn't so heinous that he should be tannoyed!'')

tarmac n. 1. Blacktop. The word is somewhat mysteriously derived from an 18th century engineer and road builder by the name of Macadam. Tar is, of course, from the sticky stuff on the road.

three pence (thrup-pen-ss) n. 1. An obsolete coin worth three old pence.

tick mark n. 1. A small mark made by a teacher along side every correct answer. If your children come home with tick marks all over their papers, it's good. Its the `X's (crosses) you need to be concerned about.

tights n. 1. Hosiery, nylons or even tights.

time gentlemen please phrase. 1. Standard request for customers to drink up and leave the pub. Anyone serving or buying a drink after time is breaking the law. In liberated pubs you may hear ``Time ladies and gentlemen please.''

tin n. 1. Can, as in ``a tin of fruit.'' 2. Pan, as in ``a cake tin.''

tip adj. 1. Mess, as in, ``The room was all in a tip.'' n. 1. Dump, as in a ``rubbish tip.''

toad in the hole n. 1. Sausages in Yorkshire pudding. [Similar to pigs in a blanket, I would guess.]

togged up (or out) v. 1. To be all dressed up, as in, ``He was togged out in top hat and tails.''

togs n. 1. Clothes, as in swimming togs.

tomato sauce (toe-mah-toe sah-ss) n. 1. Ketchup.

tombola (tom-bole-ah) n. 1. A raffle as might be found at a fete.

tommy bar n. 1. Crow bar. A straight bar used to lever something.

ton n. 1. Twenty hundredweight (2240 pounds). A long ton. 2. One hundred. Often 100 mph or 100 pounds sterling. Road signs reading ``MAX 10 tons'' are however weight limits, not speed limits. To the passive American driver who is accustomed to 55 mph, it seems that the speed limit really is 10 tons.

tonsilitis n. 1. Strep throat.

torch n. 1. Flash light.

totter n. 1. A refuse collector who picks over collected rubbish for anything which is salable. A now almost extinct version of a totter is a rag and bone man. He usually drives a horse and cart and collects household items. Often he would give the children a goldfish or balloon in return for items they would bring to him.

totting up v. 1. To add up.

trafficators n. 1. Directional signals. The term was actually used to describe small ``arms'' on the outside of a vehicle which would flip out indicating the direction one wished to turn. This term has fallen into disuse since the British car industry has modernized. See also indicators.

tramp n. 1. A vagrant. 2. A hooker.

transport cafe (trans-port caff) n. 1. Truck stop.

treacle n. 1. This is a dark molasses-like sweet syrup. This is also known as black treacle. Light colored syrup is known as golden syrup.

treets n. 1. M&M's which are all the same color.

trendy adj. 1. Fashionable, with perhaps a somewhat derogatory connotation. Only people who aren't trendy would use the term.

trifle (try-fle) n. 1. A layered dessert of custard, jello, sherry, fruit, and sponge cake.

trolley n. 1. Cart, as in a shopping cart or tea trolley.

two pence (tup-pen-ss) n. 1. Not a coin worth two old pence, but simply a term for two pence.}

U is for

undertake v. 1. Pass on the left. This is illegal in the U.K. except when passing a car that is turning right. The normal meaning of this is a mortician. U.K. bumper sticker: ``Overtakers to the right. Undertakers to the left.'' See overtake.

up (or down) market phrase. 1. Of a higher or lower economic status. As in, ``The new 3.5 Rover from British Leyland is definitely up market.''

V is for

vacant adj. 1. The state a lavatory is in when it's not engaged. Curiously this is not used of telephones.

verger n. 1. Sober guardians, usually dressed in black, found in many churches. Their principle purpose seems to be to remind tourists to remove their hats in church.

verges n. 1. Shoulder of a road as in, ``soft verges.''

vest n. 1. A tee shirt. Undershirt.

vgc abbrev. 1. Newspaper advertisement abbreviation for Very Good Condition. This may mean anything from ``like new'' to ``used, but still looks good.''

volley n. 1. A term used in tennis or squash meaning to strike the ball with your racket without allowing it to bounce on the ground. The also leads to the term half-volley which occurs when you do not properly volley the ball, but rather strike it on the short hop.

V-sign n. 1. Clenched fist with the index and first finger raised to form a `V' shape (meaning ``victory''). 2. Clenched fist with the index and first finger raised to form a `V' shape (being a rude insult to the audience). These two forms are distinguished by the direction of the knuckles: knuckles toward audience being an insult (2) and knuckles toward the gesticulator meaning victory (1). Winston Churchill was much given to getting these confused. Use of form (2) to indicate the number two may result in unexpected GBH.

W is for

waist coat (wes-cutt) n. 1. Vest.

wally n. 1. An idiot. Someone who is so dumb, he doesn't even know he is dumb.

wank v. 1. To masturbate.

wash up v. 1. To wash pots, pans, knives, forks etc. It does not mean to wash hands and face.

waste bin n. 1. Waste paper basket.

water closet n. 1. Toilette. This is probably the only use of closet in England. See cloakroom.

way out n. 1. Exit. This phrase will be found in place of ``exit'' signs in buildings in the U.K.

WC abbrev. 1. Water Convenience. A toilet.

whiskey n. 1. Irish whiskey. Since the pronunciation is identical to whisky, it's safer to ask for Irish whiskey if that is what you want. The word whiskey has its origins in the Gaelic (Irish) word uisce beatha (ish-ka bah-ah) which means ``water of life.''

whisky n. 1. Unless otherwise specified, this means Scotch whisky. See whiskey.

wideboy n. 1. Shady operator. Spiv.

willie n. 1. School boy's term for a penis.

windscreen n. 1. Car windshield.

wing n. 1. Fender of a car.

winkers n. 1. Directional signals (as on a car). Since one blinks with two eyes and winks with one eye, directional signals should be winkers and not blinkers.

with the greatest respect phrase. 1. Phrase used when discussing matters with your superiors. The phrase is emphasized when you have no respect for the person you are speaking to. This is a safe way of saying he doesn't have any idea what he is talking about.

wood lice n. 1. Potato bugs.

Y is for

you lot n. 1. You. This phrase is used exactly as y'all is used in the South. As in, ``If you lot think I'm going to wait till you come back from the pub, you're daft.''

Z is for

zebra crossing (zeb-rah, not zee-bra) n. 1. One of several types of pedestrian crossings, so named because of the distinctive black and white stripes which mark the road where the pedestrian is to cross. Zebra crossings are important because pedestrians have the right of way at all times---one foot on the crossing is enough to stop approaching vehicles (pigs might fly too!). Apart from being highly illegal, running down pedestrians on zebra crossings is considered not cricket. A zebra crossing can be distinguished from other pedestrian crossings by means of the Belisha beacons at each end.

Although you are required to stop if you are about to hit a pedestrian on this type of crossing, other drivers may not stop if you are the pedestrian. If you are run down by a passing motorist, be sure to check his accent; if this reveals a public school education then prosecution is unlikely to be successful against the motorist (you may of course be sued for ``contributory negligence'' or some such).

zed n. 1. The letter `Z'.

zed bed n. 1. A type of fold away bed.

zed bend n. 1. A double bend in the road (similar to an S-curve). After driving the narrow winding roads of England (especially in the South West), an American would feel that the zed bend is a particularly appropriate term to use. Roads that only S-curve are considered to be minor variations of a straight road. A zed bend actually does resemble the shape of the letter `Z'.