Brecon Beacons Training Weekend 17th - 19th August (Contributed By Dave Ellis)

Friday night at 7pm, we set off for Brecon in a Minibus kindly supplied by Marconi 'No promotion for you' Communications. A week-end of health, fitness and rugby began as these things always do - lager! A few crates of Heineken and Carling were demolished on the way to Brecon. We also saw a 'Nice river' according to Mark Ellis and a 'Fantastic view' - thanks Mr Ratley, what would we do without you?
We arrived at Ralph Davies place at about 9.30 - turned out to be a great place to stay. Ideal for our week-end of training ahead. So we dumped our stuff and with only 'fitness' in mind headed for the rugby club bar. After a few sociable shandies we headed back for a good nights sleep in preparation for the hard days training ahead of us on Saturday.
As we weren't due to start training until 11am, we thought we'd get to sleep off the alcohol we had consumed the night before. A certain Russell Brown had other ideas. 6.30am. 6 FLIPPING 30AM!!!! He came round and banged on everyone's doors to get a breakfast because 'They get busy at 9'!!! Kangaroo Court would hear about this! So we were all up and ready and on the way to town by 7am, nothing was open, even the birds were still asleep. Breakfast was finally served at about 8.30 - a large extra greasy breakfast with added cholesterol. Nothing like a refreshing shower after that, or alternatively you could dive in the canal - Alan and Kitch, I could of told you it was cold before you jumped in!
We decided to start training earlier, at 10.30. It began fine, until Sam 'Child Bearing Hips' Rafferty couldn't fit sideways under a barrier and it almost lethally fell down on top of him! After some fitness exercises (where we actually saw one of the breakfasts again - Steve Thompson!)and a game of touch we took a break at about 12.30pm. We were back on the pitch at 2.30 for some positional play. After starting with a much improved game of touch we continued to use Brecon's scrummage machine (while the backs washed their hair or whatever they do) which was very useful, then after an excellent game of rugby league (with the losing team buying the opposition a pint each - I've never seen you put more effort in for that try Russ Hughes - and Browny, you still owe me a pint!) we finished at about 5pm. I think (hope!) I speak for everyone when I say we were knackered. Completely. More ready for bed than lager.
Anyway, on to the lager we went! Into the clubhouse for a couple which got very boring very quickly. So to stop team members falling asleep (Ryan) we moved on to find somewhere dodgier. Found an empty pub with a pool table and a jukebox. Heaven! In an attempt to wake ourselves up only girls drinks were drunk. In an embarrassing way we drank them out of Hooch and Reef, and moved on to Smirnoff Ice. We were getting girl drink drunk! As people got tired of Ratley taking their money off them at pool we moved onto the highlight of the tour - the Karaoke Bar!
Big Al started off proceedings with My Way - the old crooner! This is where the 'angry' singing started. Russ Brown climbed onto a chair and didn't move - apart from showing the emotions of the songs running through his arms and a voice like a foghorn as he bleated out classics such as 'Eternal Flame' in an angry football supporter styli. Well impressed. If he put as much effort into training as singing he'd be playing for England.
Sam Rafferty gave it all in a YMCA, turned up jeans, tight top number - doing the escalator - yeah baby!!! Brother Ben not wanting to be outdone by little bro' stripped down to his birthday suit on stage. Class. Then came no tops on tour - until we had to put them on or get out - so we swapped tops - Lee 'Get my Lacoste top dirty and die' Ashford unfortunately gave his top to Paul Neale, who fell off the stage onto his back, covering the top in the usual mix of alcohol, grease and slime, which was nice. We left after breaking all of the microphones in Wales, and the call of the chippy beckoned. I won't mention who pulled due to the laws of the land regarding the age of consent, as according to the offender 'She was 17, honest', you can save that for the judge, son. Back at the accommodation a new song was born during the post-Karaoke naked drinking games. Here are a few verses

Cumbyah Bonsoir,Cumbyah
Cumbyah Bonsoir,Cumbyah
Cumbyah Bonsoir,Cumbyah
Oh Bonsoir Cumbyah

Where's your Dad? Bonsoir
Where's your Dad? Bonsoir
Where's your Dad? Bonsoir
Oh Bonsoir, where's your Dad?

Where's your Slag? Bonsoir
Where's your Slag? Bonsoir
Where's your Slag? Bonsoir
Oh Bonsoir, where's your Slag?

Yakky Dar, Bonsoir
Yakky Dar, Bonsoir
Yakky Dar, Bonsoir
Oh Bonsoir Yakky Dar

Any other verses gratefully received! We left on Sunday slightly battered for the rugby and drinking, but a great time was had by all and some good rugby played and moves ironed out. Thanks to Ralph, Dale, Rousey, Russell and anyone else that helped organise a successful week-end....when's the next one?!