Brecon Beacons Training Weekend (Contributed By Steve Rouse)

The pre-season training weekend started much like our previous visit to Brecon in 2001. We set out from the club at 6pm on Friday night awaiting the grueling weekend ahead. It was during the meet that Ratley soon realised he had turned up without one essential item. His sleeping bag!!. Everyone else had brought suitable duvets or sleeping bags, Ratley was in for a couple of cold nights on the Welsh Beacons.

The trusty van took us to the Welsh countryside and a fairly uneventful trip, besides the rancid smells being released from new prop Nick's arse!!

With the worst of the travelling over (and several unplanned p*ss stops) we eventually arrived at Ralph's bunkhouse. The Friday night was spent sipping a 'few' light beers at the local Rugby club, and an early night ready for next day's marathon training session. It was during this Friday night session, that we introduced the new players to the longer standing members. In his usual and polite manner Ratley offered his hand to new back Wayne (Porky), and slipped him a business card just in case he should ever need to call ?!!? Mark Ratley really is Alan Partridge. A-haa!

After our early night (about 1am) we were woken gently by our caring coach Dale, he made sure he wandered through each and every room, bashing two large frying pans together. A wonderful way to start the day!! We headed down to the nearby Cafe for our pre-ordered breakfast. We were treated to the XL morning starter, two eggs, two sausages, fried slice, toast beans, fried potatoes, mushrooms tomato, all washed down with a nice cup of tea. Twinny not being a big eater decided to just ask for some beans on toast - No chance, he was informed by the furer that if we ordered 16 XL breakfasts then that's what he'd get. We finished our mammoth breakfasts at the militant cafe, and moved back to the Bunkhouse to prepare for the session.

The training session went well and again no real incidents, broken legs or injuries occurred. After 6 hours of body breaking drills we were released and got ready to hit the town. Ryan lead the way and we were out by 5:30pm, waiting for the England v France warm up match to be shown at the rugby club. The beer flowed as we watched the French and English sides display some 'shoddy' rugby, and our local Welsh hosts made it plain to see they were more than happy with the final outcome, having seen Wales win against the jocks earlier in the day. One bonus was that as Dale was in such a good mood he continued to supply the jugs of beer throughout the night.

We moved from the Rugby club into town and found a few pubs to drink in, and eventually a late bar. No such scenes like two years ago, as the Kaaoke bar had been closed down (Hopefully nothing to do with our visit!!) We threw some shapes and then eventually hit the Kebab house. It was on the wander back to the bunkhouse that the fun began. 'Corporate' Chris twinny decided to replay his earlier attempts at lineout jumping against a roadside sign. Following his imaginary winning of the ball, he gracefully looped round and ripped an ornate window box from a local house. This was followed by a Welsh "oi" from behind us, and instead of facing this unseen foe, Twinny was on his toes and away, running full speed down the main street while we were left to clean up, the mess. Following a bit of the old green fingered magic from Rousey, the pot was replaced and the plants lived on.

We stayed up for a few more cans back at the Bunkhouse with stories of old tours, and eventually a few of us headed for our beds, tired and sore form the days training. It was at this point Liam decided to answer the call of nature. In a darkened room he stood up and pointed percy at the porcelain. Unfortunately there was no toilet, he continued to relieve himself with the trademark smile on his face. Happy with his lot, he climbed back into bed and released the last of his bladder contents into his sleeping bag. He would have got away with it if he'd not been seen by a waiting Fester (why do we call him that??) he witnessed the whole thing and then revealed Liams secret to all in the morning. Liam was quoted as saying " I've just pissed myself, got to be happy with that!!". To round off the night Ratley locked himself out of his room, to the delight of Wetstone, who was more than comfortable.

Another successful pre season tour completed, and great preparation for the coming league fixtures. Thanks to Dale for organising a great weekend and to Ralf Day for letting us stay.