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DISEASES TO NEGOTIATE HISTORIC PEACE TREATY WITH HUMANS

They kill millions every year. They cause misery and hardship worldwide. And now, they want peace. Miss. Di O. Rhea, head of the e-coli and poxes (small and chicken) varieties of bacteria, yesterday met with the president of the World Health Organisation. A WHO spokesperson gave a press release this morning stating,"The germs are still demanding a lot. They want a quota of at least 50 million a year, although they have promised they will cease funding to AIDS and certain cancers." Negotiations are ongoing.

Germs have been around for a long time, and some experts believe germs may have been involved with the Romans in conquering the Roman empire. Prof. Ino Evrithing of Cambridge university thinks germs may have come from Neptune on the back of a giant eagle. "There's a lot of evidence to suggest these germs came from Neptune. They look, dress, act and speak differently to us humans. They must be from another planet." A NASA spokesperson added,"We have some evidence to suggest that an ancient race of bird people were wiped out on Neptune some number years ago. We believe the last few may have headed for earth looking for salvation, carrying with them some germ colonists. Once they land, they have one mission. To make diseases and spread them around."

But some doctors are worried that a deal like this could cost them their jobs and are urging germs to do, what they term, the right thing. Several doctors have already been arrested for conspiring with germs to make better diseases. Several of these new diseases may already be out there. If you come across a new disease the best way to tackle the germs is as follows.

1. Treat it with extreme caution.
2. Try not to make eye contact. This may only enrage the germ.
3. Do not at any stage, turn your back on it.
4. Avoid conversation with the germ.
5. And finally, try to keep calm.

It's rumoured that the germs may also be pushing for other privilages, such as social security benefit and different tax classifications when married. One man protests,"This is an absolute outrage. We need to tackle this problem head on. These germs are invariably terrorists, and we do not negotiate with terrorists. We should kill them all." With discussions likely to continue throughout most of the night, all we can do is hope that the germs and us humans can come to some sort of agreement.