Myself and Gazza had been planning a trip to Tunisia for some time, but could never find cheap enough flights. There were cheap late deal packages, but by the time the price came down, it was always too late to book leave. We therefore decided to book a week off, but not book owt until the last minute. Things looked shaky at one point, with no cheap deals from accessible airports, and the few deals we found on the net were generally ‘allocate on arrival’, which means we could be staying a hundred miles from the nearest station! However, four days before take-off I saw in a travel agent window a deal for £119, flying from Bristol, staying in Hammamet. Result! We had considered booking a cheap package and flagging the inclusive accommodation, but decided Hammamet was close enough to Tunis to be worth using. This turned out to be particularly good during our stay, as both the carts used on the line had failed, as indeed had every cart in the country except the EMUs on the Mahdia line.

The flight was in the early evening from Bristol, meaning no moves would be available on arrival. Bristol airport was full of package holiday scum and oiks on their way to get pissed in some Spanish ‘resort’. However, our flight was slightly more civilized, being mainly older couples. Gazza was also whipped up at scoring Karthago Airlines! Still the ubiquitous 737 though. On check-in we came across several unfamiliar concepts in air travel, such as ‘tickets’ and ‘seat allocations’. Strange indeed! We had declined to pay an extra £15 each for meals, so we were quite amused when we got fed anyway! Obviously the meal charges are just a way to con fools out of more money, as everyone gets fed. Then again the ‘food’ wasn’t up to much – some things never change!

Arrival in Monastir was half an hour early, but the DK diagram had finished for the day, so we caught the transfer coach to our hotel. As we were on a package, there was a rep who gibbered during the journey, and at one point asked everyone to bellow at the driver in Arabic. She asked if anyone knew the Arabic for hello, which Gazza did, so he called it out. The rep said that that was the first time anyone had known, a pretty sad reflection on the sort of people who do packages! The hotel was a typical tourist hotel (well, judging by the brochures I’ve seen anyway), but our room had the two beds right next to each other. We tried to move them apart, but found that the mattresses were on a single concrete base. However, I know Gazza has never bashed Sulzers of any type, so I felt safe enough. (Gazza’s quote – this was my joke, he nicked it!)

An early start, as we wanted to head into Tunis early. We’d also heard that there were many taxis, but didn’t bargain for quite how many. We left the hotel at about 5.50am to catch the 0640 to Bir Bou Regba, as this is the first train on the Sunday. Despite the hour, we got a taxi within five minutes, and ended up festering for the train. We passed the time by photting the station cat, before our train arrived with 040DM262 vice cart. Good start! We weren’t particularly impressed with the noise, but it beats a unit! We bought pieces to Tunis, as we had not yet been able to obtain our Carte Bleues. We asked about photo permits, but Bert said no need.

We then changed at Bir Bou Regba for a GT into Tunis, and having obtained cartes we went for a spin on some of the absurdly loud DKs. We planned to do a few moves around Tunis, before heading south for the one on the Sousse-Mahdia line, however we changed our minds when we saw 040DK82 on the 1100 Tunis-Ghardimou. We did this out and back, passing 040DO282 and 060DP150 on the other diagrams. Sadly we saw very little DP action on this line, with 060DP150 being the only one out, and even that not every day, as sadly Tunisia, like Hungary, is suffering a major Ganz infestation. We were chinged TD1.400 each air-con supplement, which is quite irritating after a while. While the Carte Bleue is amazing value (ours worked out a little over £13 for 7 days Confort Class), over the week we spent nearly as much again on supplements for the air-con. You can either queue for ages at the shack, or buy on the train and get chinged more.

At Ghardimou, my camera completely failed. The light meter had been dodgy for a couple of days, but now it was refusing to take photos at all, so I figured it was flat batteries – not the best place to need obscure batteries! On the return journey, the bert tried to get another air-con supplement, but Gazza argued that it wasn’t working. In the end the bert let us off, a whole 65p saved! We then returned to Hammamet, our train being heavily bricked around Rades.

Back at the hotel, we went for dinner (our package was half-board), a perfectly acceptable self-service affair (so at least we were well fed!), though sadly our table for the week was next to a large group of loud brummies.

I then went in search of camera batteries, having failed in Tunis. There was a jewelry shop in the hotel, so I gave it a try. The bert didn’t have any, but took my old ones off me for reference, and told me to return in half an hour. I did, and he furnished me with new batteries, having driven to some shop I’d probably never have found. What a top man! However, all the hotel staff kept asking if Gazza and I were brothers, before accusing Gazza of being David Beckham!

We rounded off the evening in the Brauhaus le Berbere, one of the few brewpubs in Tunisia. Sadly we were less than impressed by the beers, and returned to the hotel after a half-pint of each

We left the hotel at 0530 to get the 0602 direct to Tunis, and again dropped straight into a taxi. We did the piffling little shunter as far as Borj Cedria, to have another spin on the DKs. On the way down, by 6.15 we were already starting to roast (and we wanted a bellow!), but the windows were locked. No problem, I unlocked them using a makeshift key (a BR drivers key just about fits!), and we were promptly ranted at by several normals. So it’s not just a European thing!

We took the immensely loud 040DK89 to Borj Cedria, intending to return on it as well. However, we were hossed by the guard somewhere around Hammam Lif, as Gazza was recording sound and I was photting the ridiculous column of smoke. At Borj Cedria he dragged us to the chef du gare, who interrogated us as to our motives, nationality etc. So much for the Bert at Tunis saying no need for permit! While this was happening, DK89 disappeared, and the chef phoned through to Tunis. There was a cop present, who demanded to listen to Gazza’s recording, and was somewhat bemused by what he heard. Eventually, on a promise of not taking any more phots, we were allowed to catch 040DK87 back to Tunis. Here we inquired about photo permits, and were sent to M. Zouali (something like that anyway). He was not there, and after wandering about a bit were taken to Mme Jardak, who after inquiring as to our professions (accountant and something to do with computers), issued the relevant pass.

We saw that the other standard gauge DK was on the Bizerte diagram, so decided on another spin out of the northern side of the station. We weren’t too pleased at Bizerte though, when the DK was uncoupled and shut down. We had a DM back, so only about five seconds of thrash after each shack. We were somewhat more impressed with 040DJ123 on the afternoon diagram, as these seem to be an unsilenced version of the DMs. We returned to Tunis on what was to be our only run with a standard gauge DP, and booked into a hotel for the night, as we wanted to cover the early morning turns out of Tunis.

After rising at dark o’clock, we were not impressed with DOs on both the Kalaa Khasba diagrams, and after a quick return to Sidi Rezig to view the DK diagrams, we were equally unimpressed with ‘Baby Ganz’ 040DL236 on the works train. Myself and Gazza then seperated for a while, as he went for a long run on a DK, while I did leaps, though to no avail. I covered the second train in from Damahni, and was very glad I did when it rolled in with 040DF355. As I spent seven years bashing 121s in Ireland, I was most pleased to score one of these now-rare beasts. We then did a couple more leaps on DKs before heading south to cover the Metlaoui diagrams. Under last year’s timetable, the day train to Metlaoui was a +5 onto the overnight, so a fresh engine was guaranteed, but now the same loco goes in and returns, so we had a double run off 060DP136. Sods law dictated that the one night I would suffer from Delhi belly would be on an overnight, and at approx 1am I had to make use of the on-board bog, which even in confort class was lacking seat, light, water, bog roll, soap and a lock. At least after that I managed a reasonable night’s sleep.

We arrived back into Tunis in time to cover the works train, but it was a GT! We then decided to go for the Mahdia line, so did a GT south, with the aim of going to the Golfbrau brewpub in Port El Kantoui, beforehand. The plan was to get the 1445 DK move to Mahdia, where I planned to do the GT-hauled through train back as far as Bir Bou Regba. We did 553 south to Kalaa Kabira, as with the Sousse avoiding line being completed, most main line trains don’t stop in Sousse. We found that the cost of coffee on the train was inflating. On Sunday it had been TD½ for two, on Monday it had risen to TD1, and today Bert wanted TD1 each! At this rate, by the end of the week a coffee would cost about £4! At least this time we managed to stop him before he put loads of sugar in.

At Kalaa Kabira, there were surprisingly few taxis, and those we saw were wedged. We saw a white taxi, and piled in. We then realised this was a ‘fixed route’ taxi, but the driver assured us we were going the right way. He stopped on route to pick up a couple of normals, and the taxi became somewhat wedged, as I’m by no means small but these two dwarfed me, certainly width-wise! Gazza meanwhile was having a good laugh as he was in the front. Still, at least it only cost us TD1 each, and dropped us right by a fleet of yellow taxis, one of which we took on to Golfbrau.

Golfbrau was absolutely hellfire, and we tried all three beers, before finishing with litre glasses of the superb dark. We also blagged a brewery tour. To accompany the beer we had ostrich steak, a winning meat for me. However, from here things went downhill…

We arrived at Sousse Bab Jedid to find the DK was on the wrong diagram, so we were faced with a cart. Gazza blagged the driver, who told us that the DK was on the diagram we would pass at Bekalta. We got the unit out, thus ending my plan for a cart-free week, and I was seriously unimpressed to have come all this way to find dud 040DK87, which we’d had earlier in the Tunis area. Gazza took this throughout, but I elected to bail at Monastir for the GT-hauled direct train, meeting him back at Sousse main shack. We then returned to our allocated hotel, scoring another oh-so-exciting DL in from Bir Bou Regba.

We decided to start by going to Nabeul, as so far we’d only been as far as Hammamet. We then headed into Tunis, where we scored a DK that had been swapped the previous night, and did a couple of moves including another four kilometres on 040DF355. At Rades we encountered our first and only rain of the trip.

We covered the midday trains to Ghardimou and Bizerte, but they were both Ganz filth. We then headed south to have another shot at the Metlaoui line. I was not impressed to have the same DP again, especially as two winners were on the shed. The overnight stock was in pretty good nick in second class, but full of loud normals and brats. First class and confort were well tatty, but at least a bit emptier.

I was unimpressed, though not surprised, to find a dud GT on the front when I awoke. I seem to have bad luck with these locos, having only eight different ones in twice as many journeys. Since obtaining our photo permit, we had not once been asked to show it, but were hossed for the first time at Jebel Jelloud for photting the station cat! Gazza produced the authorisation, and Bert even insisted on taking a photocopy. We were waiting for the Dahmani diagram again, which was considerably late, unsurprising as it appeared behind a shunter.

In the afternoon, they actually managed to resurrect a cart for the Bizerte diagram, so that move was out. We therefore decided to take DF355 as far as possible on the afternoon train back to Dahmani. I would have been up for doing it throughout, and finding a hotel, but this would be tight for our flight the next day. The GM beast performed very well, and apart from prolonged station stops lost only a few minutes on the DO timings, despite having half the power. Even Gazza, not a fan of GMs, said it was alright!

Back at Tunis, winner 564was coming off shed, so I hoped for that, but was instead presented with very dud 565. At Bir Bou Regba, we decided we couldn’t be bothered to wait for the local to Hammamet, and got a taxi for a little over £1 each.

We left the hotel as usual for the 0640, asking the staff to let our holiday company know we were making our own way to the airport. The same DM was still on the local, despite numerous opportunities to swap it at Tunis. At Bir Bou Regba we ordered black coffee, but while we weren’t paying attention Bert poured in tons of cow-juice. Cheers then!

The GT going south was a few minutes late, and though we stormed across town, following the old railway route, we got to Bab Jedid just in time to see the DK leave. Cheers then again! We plotted a move, and so we wandered around and photted the medina, before doing the cart to Monastir for the DK back. I was glad to see it had been swapped for a winner, and we decided on a seminar. We set our cameras to timer, but Gazza got in position too slowly so my phot has me bellowing and Gazza walking away! We then did the DK to Sousse and back to L’Aeroport, thinking this a perfect way to end the trip.

We got a winning plane for the return journey, and for some bizarre reason there was a bus transfer from the terminal to the plane, a distance of about fifteen yards! On the way out we had been seated at the back, but returned in the front row, though sadly on the side without legroom. The food was more edible than on the outward journey, and almost justified the price of £0.00. The previous meal failed to do even that! We landed at Bristol spot on time, and were immediately hit by typical British weather. In Tunisia, despite the blazing heat, the dry atmosphere meant we barely broke into a sweat all week, even when storming across town with heavy bags, but back home, despite being some 10º cooler, the humidity had us sweating before we reached the arrivals hall. The downside to the dry atmosphere in Tunisia was that every time we applied sunblock (including on Gazza’s bald spot!), we immediately attracted all the loose dust, and ended up looking a similar colour to Robert Kilroy-Silk (But without the rediculous politics – Gazza)

Overall, a top trip. A couple of withers, but mostly solid loud thrash. The Carte Bleue has to go down as the best value ticket ever, though it’d be good if there was a version that included air-con supplements to save queuing. The only real junk traction-wise is the Ganz rubbish, everything else is pretty ratable, though I think the country will lose a lot when the knitting goes up between Tunis and Borj Cedria.

I was disappointed with the lack of DPs on the standard gauge, but having good runs on both DKs made up for that. It would have been nice to have had a couple of different ones around Metlaoui too, and the locos on the Nabeul line could have swapped more often. On the plus side, I was well pleased to get a DF in the book, and fourteen out of nineteen serviceable DKs is also not bad going.

Booking last minute is definitely the best bet, and even if a holiday in the right area doesn’t come up, it’ll be cheap enough to flag the allocated hotel and just book into the hotel opposite the shack in Tunis, which worked out at a tenner each per night.

I definitely intend to return, maybe in November, when I hope the international train to Annaba has restarted, to enable me to scratch a couple of Algerian locos!

For the record, here’s what worked the Tunis DK diagrams:

With much thanks to Jeff Hawken for the diagrams and timetable gen.