This farewell trip to Croatia had been in planning ever since my first trip last year. I had toyed with the idea of a full-blown Balkan Bash with Redhill, but I was unexpectedly denied leave the week he had booked off. I mainly wanted to go to Serbia again, particularly to cover the Nis-Dimitrovgrad line before the knitting goes up (spoilsports!). However, just before I left I received a text from Redhill, saying it’d been Sulzer junk Sofija-Nis throughout, instead of a 661 forward from the border as expected. That settled it, a week on the Split line it is!

Things got off to a bad start thanks to Richard Branson, who was probably too busy dipping balloons in the ocean to bother to ensure any of his so-called trains actually reach their destination. My train from Sheffield to Bristol was caped at Derby, and the following one was diverted via the world, so that I couldn’t possibly make the plane. Unfortunately, I couldn’t transfer my flight to leave from East Midlands, as my bag was awaiting collection in my office in Bristol. Fortunately I worked out that it was impossible early enough to shift my flight to the following day, but I was still immensely pissed off, a feeling that was to be magnified during the week. I still had almost all the real engines I would have had anyway, but had to work hard for them, whereas if I’d made the flight I’d have just dropped on everything, and a lot more mileage too. Still, at least I scored two winning 67s on the way back to Bristol (027 Derby-BNS and 002 BNS-Bristol).

I actually managed to leave the country, and unlike my trip at xmas, I managed to storm past everyone to be first through customs at Venice airport, and the bus to Mestre was acceptably quick. I got the first available train into Santa Lucia, and went to get my euro-dominoes. However, the bert told me this was not possible. Even when I pointed out that I had purchased them here in December, and that Redhill had done so last week, the bert insisted it wasn’t possible. I tried to convince him, or at least get him to seek assistance from someone competent, but being an Itie he was lazy, arrogant, unintelligent and unhelpful, and just shrugged and waved his hands, which seems to take the place of actually speaking in this shit-hole of a country. Eventually, after much ranting the lazy moron went to summon his manager, and after about ten minutes returned and conceded that it was possible. However, he then seemed completely confused by the Under-26 rule, and tried to sell me a Slovenian domino at the correct –26 price, but a 26+ Croatian piece. Eventually, after much pointing, ranting and stress, I had my dominoes, plus a return to Villa Opicina, and went for a couple of leaps to Mestre, and went to find beer for the overnight. It was then that I realised that I had left my foreign beer list at home. D’oh! On the plus side, the overnight was less wedged than last time, and I remained uninvaded all night.

Although the Thomas Cook timetable shows no move to avoid the fester at Maribor off the overnight, it is possible to continue to Liebnitz and pick up IC153 there (sadly a –8 at Graz). I decided on an even more desperate move, involving two local trains between Spielfeld and Liebnitz, thus meaning a total of four OBB locos, as IC153 has an ECS set for a local tagged on the rear, complete with powering loco on the far end. As booked, the same box took over at Spielfeld, and I was invaded by loud oiks at Maribor. I only had to put up with them until Celje, as I was of course bailing for the Hodos move.

As we approached Pragersko, I thought the loco looked a bit odd, and it turned out to be a pair. My lords! Both were dud, but we passed winners 104 at Ptuj and 113 at Ormoz so I was hopeful for the afternoon move. At Hodos, I have always festered for Drava, as again Thomas Cook shows no move, but I now had gen that there is a guaranteed plus at Zalalovo (the passport grippers do the same move), so I was able to score two Hungarian M41s. Total junk, but better than a fester. On the westbound Drava, some clown had actually put the heating on, despite it being nearly 100º outside!

Back at Pragersko, the 664 was replaced by dud 342007, so I decided to flag it for IC509, as this has always been a 363 in the past. I was seriously unimpressed when it turned up as a cart! To add insult to injury, the eastbound Drava turned up with a winning 363, which was promptly ripped. The 664 off IC244 had gone off on a freight, so I hoped for 104 or 113, but somehow dud 114 had turned up from nowhere. 113 appeared to be in position for IC516, which I couldn’t cover. Cheers then! I did 114 to Ormoz, where I took the cart to Cacovec for a 2044 in to Zagreb. I had hoped for an infinitely superior 2043, but 2044001 was acceptable instead. After a couple of beers, it was time for a much needed return to the Split line.

I awoke to the much-missed sound of a 2062 hard at work, though I was a bit pissed off when I got a text to say I’d missed 2062029 during the night going the other way, especially when I also heard that the down daytime the previous day had been 2062008. Had I flown out on time I could have had winner 008 Ogulin-Knin for winner 029 on the overnight. I wanted to go to Split, but bailed at Knin to score the shunter on the Zadar portion, and also cover whatever worked to Zadar, as 2062.0s had been common lately. I was not happy when 2062107 did the shunt and worked the train, and another refurb appeared on the second overnight. I headed south to cover the Split local, and on the way was informed that it was 008. We just made at Kastel Stari, for a run up the bank, except we caped at Primorski Dolac for no apparent reason, for a bus to Perkovic.

I then did the traditional daytime move, i.e. a return trip to Ogulin. I closed the curtains just before each shack to deter invaders, but at Knin opened them too early and was invaded by ada and two brats. We made a very brief unadvertised stop at Plaski, which was fortunate as 2062029 was on the local, and I was able to bail for this. We festered at Plaski a bit too long, and in the end I only just made IC721 at Ogulin.

Returning south in the evening, I saw a light green and cream shape behind some wagons at Gospic, and a closer inspection confirmed my suspicions: it was Cmelak (770050)! I had no idea any were in Croatia, but later in the week I found that it was marked ‘Sarajevo’, and had presumably been sent by the Czechs when the city was being rebuilt. No idea what it’s doing in Croatia though. It also moved during the week, but I don’t know if this was under its own power or hauled by a 2062. It’d be a right whopper to get that out on a rescue!

We were into Perkovic in plenty of time to get to Sibenik for the evening portion, , but the cart going in waited until the plus was too dodgy. I flagged 1822 as B824 was showing 2062102+2062104, however it showed up with just 102. At least I kept a compo to myself all night.

I awoke to find that I’d missed out by going the wrong way again, as 2062019 had done B825, and I had missed it by being dossed. I had also missed 036 on the Ogulin local, so decided that rather than visit Osijek as planned, I would have a spin around Zagreb before covering the afternoon diagram. Shortly before arriving at Zagreb, Simon texted me to say that the somewhat large 2062010 was on the 0551 Kotoriba-Zagreb. The late arrival of the overnight meant that the only train I could get was the Zagreb-Budapest, which was delayed awaiting the through coaches from Split, and so I was only able to have the beast in from Zapresic. I then did a couple of leaps to Dugo Selo to scratch cans, before heading to Ogulin, where fortunately 036 was still on the diagram. I took this to Plaski, and played safe by returning to Ogulin on B720, which had again stopped. I hoped that 019 would return north on one of the overnights, but was bowled when we passed it on a freight near Knin.

I awoke at Ogulin to the sound of Simon texting me that 019 was on the Ogulin local. I scrambled onto the platform just in time to see it leaving, so resolved to do the same move as yesterday. The only difference was that because I’d done 1822 I could get further up the Varazdin line for 3007, which was real again, though not quite as huge as yesterday. The only notable thing was that at Podsused we stopped, reversed onto the down line, and ran wrong line to Zagreb, the reversal adding just under 1km to the journey.

I went for a quick Tomislav in the former bowling alley, receiving a seriously short measure, before heading back to Ogulin. On arrival my hopes were raised when I saw it was a 2062.0, but fell again when I realised it was 2062008. The day was now written off for any other move, so I decided to do 008 anyway. I could see winner 2062056 on shed, so I was somewhat amused when 008 ground to a sudden halt just past Ogulin shed, before setting back into the station. It did this under its own power, and went onto the shed, so I don’t know what the fault was. Much to my disgust, 2062111, which was being prepared for B721, backed onto the local. I decided to flag this, as there was no way it would go out and back in time, so I festered in the bar. B721 duly arrived, but had to wait for 2062111 to get back from Plaski and drop on the front. Shortly after B721 departed, 2062110 arrived on an extremely late B720, and promptly dropped onto the local set for the evening run to Vrhovine. I did this out and back, though any celebration of clearing the 2062.1s was severely subdued by my annoyance at still not having 2062019. Just to complete the wither, the driver was a complete windbag, and back at Ogulin we passed the last loco-hauled train back to Zagreb just short of the station, so I had to do a rancid cart back for the overnight. 1823 was pretty wedged, and while last year I’d have upgraded, I’m certainly not paying extra to sit in a rancid, brightly lit open. I managed to get a compo in the Zadar portion, but was invaded at Ogulin.

I was awoken by the jolt of 2132070 dropping on the back at Knin, so at least I scored the gronk at last. As this was my last full day, I would have liked to have gone to Split, but late running meant I couldn’t risk it. The refurbs were out in force, so there wasn’t much of a decision involved, I just did the traditional move again, except this time I was unable to bail at Plaski, not an issue as the local was a refurb too.

At Ogulin, another refurb had been found for B721, but 2062008 was coupled inside. 008’s engine was running, and there was a driver aboard, so I hoped for a bit of tandem running to boost the GM mileage. Departing Ogulin, the locos weren’t claggy enough to determine how many plumes of smoke there were, even leaning out to my ankles on some of the sharper curves. I couldn’t determine if I could count the 008 mileage or not, so made my way to the front vestibule, from where I could see 008 definitely didn’t count, as the driver was asleep with his feet out the window!

I’d had no gen on the way south in the afternoon, so decided to take the first overnight north. Because of the bus substitutions, I didn’t see the Split local, finding out too late it was 2062019. I also heard 2062056 was the Zadar portion, but it was too late to get to it.

I decided to spend possibly my last ever day in Croatia scratching a couple of 2044s on the Osijek. The day started ok, with a winning gronk to the carriage sidings and back, though I missed out on a potential move for another. I then scored the first 2044 out, and could see a choice of two locos for the afternoon kick-out turn. As one was dud 2044023 I wouldn’t normally have hung around, but the other was the massively more rateable 2062014. The day involved far too many carts, but it was the only way to cover all three diagrams and get away reasonably early. We passed winner 2044027 at Virje, so I knew I had to cover the 1122 from Koprivnica, and there’s always the hope that the loco on B1783 will be swapped for B702.

When I did the cart from Virovitica, it was the same guard as earlier in the day. He was most confused as to why I was going the same way twice in one day, and asked where I was going. Rather than try to explain what I was doing, I just told him Koprivnica. This seemed to satisfy him, but when I bailed at Bregi he started shouting and gesticulating, and all but physically dragged me back onto his unit. I piled onto the hauled train (noting without surprise that it was the pointless turbocharged machine), and the bert from the unit sent his colleague down the train to get me off. I showed him my domino, and told him I was going to Durdevac, and eventually I was left alone. I really must learn Croat for ‘I know what I’m doing’!

I had a similar scenario in the evening, when I told the Cakovec-Ormoz bert that I was going to Ljubljana, and he later saw me bail off IC246 at Ptuj to get IC517 in the hope of a winner. Alas this was not to be, as 664108 duly appeared. I got back on IC246 as far as Pragersko, where I bailed for the slightly late IC159, which we should have missed by two minutes. It was dud, but I would rather have an armadillo than a box. Bert was totally withered to see me on his train after Celje, having watched me dashing across the platform at Pragersko!

One way or another, I had a major fester until the overnight to Venice, so decided the least hanging around and most locos could be achieved by going in to Ljubljana, then getting the IC from Koper back to Celje, for an hour fester, for the overnight. At Celje, a bar outside the station gave its closing time as 0200, but it was well and truly shut when I arrived at midnight. I therefore had an hour to sit on the shack, with a mumbling Harry Ramp for company. Once on the overnight, I grabbed a compo and dossed, not being invaded until somewhere between Trieste and Venice.

There’s not much else to do around Venice, apart from desperate leaps, though I did try to maximise my moves on D445s (not that they’re much better than cans). Unfortunately, on a Sunday this is not as solid as weekdays, as although there are plenty of trains, several tend to leave in quick succession, followed by a gap, meaning I had a few festers during the day. I was also starving, as it seems to be impossible to eat in Venice without being ripped off, though this is unsurprising given that it’s full of Itie scum.

At the airport, I was number 119 of 125 at check-in, so it looked like I would be last on the plane. However, as Venice uses bus transfers from terminal to plane, boarding is done in two blocks, 1-75 and ‘the rest’. By careful planning, I was first of ‘the rest’, and when I got outside the first bus was still there. Myself and one other person decided to be cheeky, and jumped on just before the doors closed. A bit of fast walking at the other end meant I was first on board, so I had the mega-legroom front seats. Back at Bristol, an on time arrival and quick appearance of baggage meant I was outside just in time for the 1840 bus to town. Which didn’t show up. Bugger! The next one was at 1900, and was decidedly dodgy for my bus from town to home. I only made it as that too was late, a good job as it only runs hourly on Sundays.

Yet another bad experience of Italy has convinced me never to use this route again, it’s just a shame Queasyjet aren’t starting their Bristol-Budapest flights until long after Croatia ceases to be worthwhile. I was disappointed not to manage to get down to Split for one last run up the bank, and the repeated elusion of 2062019 became seriously annoying, especially as it now seems unlikely I will ever score it. I would also have liked another run on 2062102 to clear it, but it will now probably remain on 810 miles forever.

I really did end up regretting missing that flight, had I made it I’d have spent all week having long runs on 2062.0s, and probably have had 019 and 056 too, though as a consolation I gained 2062010 on the Varazdin line. I was also pleased to score a few cans, after my shocking series of duds in March.

I don’t know what the future holds for euro-bashing now, as pretty much every country has now succumbed to carts, knitting and silencers. There is now little of interest in Serbia with the loss of the Dimitrovgrad line to Sulzer filth, and with the only rateable line in Slovenia (not counting the hellfire but ridiculously inaccessible autovlak) due to be ruined by wires in under two years, that really could be game over.

The biggest nail was hammered into the coffin today. As I write this I have just read that the loco-hauled day trains on the Split line have finished, and the vile new carts have started. The overnights are good, but one can’t do a bashing trip only at night, and then fester for 12+ hours every day. The good news is that apparently a couple of the carts have already been dented or burned, lets just hope the rest are thoroughly torched too.

Dave Unpronounceable

e-mail evilempire888@hotmail.com