NO, I'M AFRAID I DON'T SEE THE LIGHT

By Hugh Thomas

"Can you see anything yet?" panted the President of the Bristol Lodge of the Theosophical Society, without specifying what it was his audience ought to be seeing by now. I exchanged a glance with my Humanist companion. Like me, he could only see a portly middle aged man in one of the least convincing wigs in the West, going red in the face as he attempted to demonstrate his psychic powers using breath control. Was that syrup-of-fig going to levitate off his bonce, or what? Then came a voice from the row behind us. "Yes, I can see a green light between your hands." Other voices joined in. "There's a shimmering silvery effect above your head," said a sandal-wearing beard across the aisle. About the same number of patrons were present as attend Bristol Humanist Group's meetings. But this was no upstairs room in a pub. This was the Theosophical Society's own plush premises in select Clifton, all ticking clocks, blackboards on easels and pictures of Madame Blavatsky on the mantelpiece. No shortage of old money here: my seven pence in the collection dish wasn't going to keep all the radiators blazing or the place decorated to its present high standard.

For the uninitiated, Theosophy was and is a psychic creed invented in New York late last century by one Madame Helena Petrova Blavatsky, or HPB. She had travelled widely, including - allegedly - an extended sojourn in Tibet picking the brains of local Mahatmas. "Do you ever ask yourself: Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going?" ask the pamphlets in the Lodge. Fans of the Hitchhiker's Guide will know that "42" is the best reply to such questions, but Blavatsky produced a grand body of esoteric knowledge to provide answers. These were expounded in numerous weighty tomes, incorporating among other things an alternative account of evolution (racially based), reincarnation and Lemuria. The ideas were mainly cribbed from other occult sources. A typical sample of the Bristol Lodge's lectures might include astrology one week, palmistry the next and graphology the time after, all treated with equal deference by the audience despite the obvious incompatibility (unless your star sign determines your palm lines, which in turn fixes your hand writing? Hmmm...maybe).

Even in her own time, HPB's supposed psychic powers didn't survive scrutiny. An investigation by the Society for Psychical Research found her capable only of some crude conjuring tricks and lies. This deterred neither her large following nor HPB herself, who flaunted her own fraudulent tricks. If nothing else, she had plenty of front and animal magnetism. One account has it that she ate like a horse, drank like a fish and smoked like a chimney. "Have you noticed that people in our field are younger looking, because we're always thinking, always learning," claimed the President to general nods as he wrapped up his talk on The Hidden Power of Your Life Cycles. So why the toop? Lecture over, it's everyone downstairs for tea and biscuits. The President stood a little aloof from the rest as he sipped his tea, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. Perhaps the day's date had some bearing on his performance: the 1st of April. Maybe there's something in that reincarnation bit. The scallywag spirit of Madame Blavatsky might just be alive and well and living in Bristol.

The above article was first published in Humanist News.

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