Pulped Fiction

[Guide & Cub sitting across table]

Cub: You see, it's just not worth doing any more.
Guide: You think we should give up?
Cub: No, not give up. I'm definitely not giving up. I need that badge. All I'm talking about is taking a different stance.
Guide: How do you mean?
Cub: Garçon, more coffee! Well, look at it this way. What we've been doing so far is all wrong.
Guide: We've been doing alright.
Cub: I want to do better. We've been going down every street, methodically, house by house, and the only business we've been getting is from pensioners who take four hours and you only get pittance in return.
Guide: So what's the answer?
Cub: You remember that time we went to the retirement home.
Guide: Oh yeah. Full of rich biddies with nothing better to do with their money.
Cub: Exactly, we hit places like that, where there's plenty of opportunity for work.
Guide: Like?
Cub: Well, this place.
Guide: Let's do it. Now.
Cub: I love you Brown Owl.
Guide: I love you CubbyBubby.
Cub: Okay everybody be cool, this is bobajob.
Guide: Any of you fucking pigs move, and I'll dibdibdib every mother fucking last one of you.

[Music: Misirlou. Car. Hitmen]

Jools: So tell me about Fratton again.
Vince: What do you want to know?
Jools: Incest is legal right?
Vince: It ain't a hundred per cent legal. I mean, you can't just go up to your mother in the middle of Sainsbury's and start doing her over a trolley. They want you to do it in specified designated areas.
Jools: And that's Somerstown right?
Vince: Right. Basically it breaks down like this; it's legal to do it, as long as the cops don't catch you, but if they do catch you, just offer them your sister for half an hour and everything's cool.
Jools: I'm going man, that's all there is to it.
Vince: I know baby, you dig it the most. But you know the funny thing about Fratton?
Jools: All the children are really ugly?
Vince: Apart from that.
Jools: What?
Vince: It's the differences. I mean they got everything there that they got here, it's just that they're a bit different that's all.
Jools: Example.
Vince: You know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in Fratton?
Jools: They don't call it a quarter pounder with cheese?
Vince: No man, all they've got is fucking kebab shops, they wouldn't know what a fucking hamburger is.
Jools: So what do they call it?
Vince: I told you, they don't have any.
Jools: So what do they call a Big Mac?
Vince: They don't have hamburgers. They don't call it anything.
Jools: Le Big Mac, ha ha ha.
Vince: What the fuck are you talking about?
Jools: What do they call a Whopper?
Vince: THEY DON'T HAVE BURGERS!!! You know, you can walk down Fratton High Street and not avoid treading in dog shit. And you could be walking through the Bridge Centre and still tread in shit, and I don't mean no lump of shit, I mean a big pile of dog shit.
Jools: Why's that?
Vince: Well.... because everthing's covered with dog shit.


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