Last Updated 24-July-99
John F. Kennedy Jr.
JFK's son and namesake John F.Kennedy Jr, died when his plane crashed into the sea. His wife and sister-in-law were also killed in the crash.
So, let's take the piss in the best way... tasteless jokes.... - If these are offensive to you, then get the heck out of here now... You have been warned!
Q. Why didn't JFK, Jr. take a shower before he left for the Vineyard?
A. He said he'd just wash up on shore!
Q. What's the Kennedy's flying motto?
A. Your luggage will arrive before you do!
Q. What do Kennedys miss most about Martha's Vineyard?
A. The runway.
Q. Why was JFK, Jr. flying to the Vineyard?
A. He wanted to crash in on his cousin's wedding.
Q. What will they name the movie about JFK, Jr.?
A. Three funerals and a wedding.
A. Eyes Wide Shut
"Picking up the Pace" Department: Used to be that the Kennedys drowned their women one at a time!
News Headline: John John - Gone Gone
There has already been a lot of speculation as to what may have caused JFK, Jr.'s plane to crash. Some have even suggested that he may have run into a bird. Others have questioned how many and what type of bird would be enough to bring down an airplane under these circumstances. I myself subscribe to the single pullet theory...
Q: What was the last thing to go thru JFKJ's mind when he crashed?
A: The windshield.
Q: Why was the search called off so quickly?
A: They positively identified a hunk and two pieces of ass.
Well, they can finally prove that it was JFK's plane that went down ... Ya, they found his shampoo ... his head and shoulders surfaced
And they said he was washed up at 38.
Q: WHO taught JFK jr how to fly????????
A: Princess Di's driver...........!
Q: What's the difference between JFK, Jr and Uncle Teddy?
A: Uncle Teddy can swim!
Q: What was JFK Jr drinking at the time of the crash?
A: Ocean Spray.
They say John F. Kennedy Jr's left wing fell off...
Sounds like a right wing conspiracy.
I hope I don't have to take an entrance exam.
What do the Kennedies fear the most?
Old age.
What was JFK Jr's favorite movie?
Splash.
People Magazine voted JFK Jr the sexiest man dead.
Why didn't the wedding guests at Hyannisport want JFK Jr to show up?
He was a complete wreck. .
JFK Jr couldn't handle the publicity.
He just went to pieces.
What do Republicans say about JFK Jr's political chances for President?
All washed up.
Where do the Kennedys' go for thier vacation?
All over Martha's Vineyard.
What was the forecast for Cape Cod?
Cloudy, with widely scattered bodies and debris.
What was JFK Jr drinking at the time of the crash?
Ocean Spray.
Looks like JFK Jr paid the Piper.
How did JFK Jr learn how to fly?
Crash course.
JFK Jr was a down-to-earth plane guy.
What was the worse thing about the crash?
He didn't have Teddy Kennedy with him. .
If Teddy Kennedy had been flying with JFK Jr, he would have swam for help...
JFK Jr would still have drowned, but we wouldn't know for another 8 hours.
What was the temperature off of Martha's Vineyard after JFK's plane went down?
Three below.
Last year JFK Jr bought the Piper airplane...
This year he bought the farm. .
What's the new Kennedy documentary?
Three Funerals and A Wedding.
JFK JR's mom when meeting him in heaven:
"Dammit, Boy! Which part of straighten up and fly right didn't you understand!?!
Just like his uncle Ted...
He wanted one last drink!
Even though the wedding has been called off...
It still looks like they will make good use of the priest.
How are the Kennedy's like oil?
They don't mix well with water.
What was John-John singing just before the crash?
"I love Rocky Mountain High." .
Why was John-John flying that night?
Ted offered him a lift.
Considering it was a Kennedy that went down,
I hear the Coast guard will be looking for champaigne bottles instead of oil streaks.
Too bad uncle Ted wasn't on board...
They could have used him as a floatation device.
Headline from the New York Post:
HUNK DUNKS!
JFK Jrs Last words: I wish I hadn't bought this damn plane from John Denver!!!
Damn it, can't one Kennedy die by natural causes.
What did Jimmy Hoffa say after the crash?
Get off my grave you God Damn Kennedy!
Why is Al Gore pissed at JFK jr?
He did'nt like him polluting the water. .
JFK Jr was not drunk!
It was watered down.
What group is making a comeback from the 80's?
DEAD KENNEDYS
Top Ten Last Words And Phrases The MEDIA Won't Use - Even If They Are TOTALLY Correct!
10.) Decapitation
9.) Died peacefully in his sleep
8.) Sex and flying don't mix when you are the pilot
7.) I dropped my cigarette - it didn't roll over toward the gas cap, did it?
6.) Geez. We almost hit that duck!
5.) Zzzzzz... Huh, I'm the one flying this thing tonight?
4.) Ya' know, we really should visit the family cemetery this year
3.) If you had wings, dear, you'd be an angel
2.) Do you remember the last time we met Princess Di?
1.) It's Martha's Vineyard - get used to it...
Top Ten WORST Things About Being In A Plane Crash Off Long Island
? 10.) "Vinny" the tow truck driver was the only one the FAA had around for follow up, and when he drove the truck into the water, he only got about 20 feet before HE needed to be rescued...
? 9.) Duh? Land the plane - it means on LAND - DUH?
? 8.) Too cheap, or too stupid to buy commercial airline tickets, huh?
? 7.) We've flown far enough. I want to go swimming now...
? 6.) Yes, we have to create another REALLY good assassination story for the USA public and the National Enquirer
? 5.) Hmmm... I guess that I shouldn't have made fun of our first president after all
? 4.) What was the last thing he saw? JAWS!
? 3.) Local fishermen need to bring in what they catch - so they can "piece" the investigation together
? 2.) It's the ocean. It's Martha's Vineyard. Try using a SAILBOAT, instead of a plane, dummy!
? 1.) Somebody call call, "Submarines R Us" please...
To the tune of "American Pie"
(The Day John Jr. Died)
By Tony S.
Not a long time ago
I can still remember how
that magazine used to make me smile
Recently there was a time,
when on fresh lobsters he would dine,
and now the lobsters will be happy for a while.
Cause the cold cold water made him shiver.
As to the bottom he was delivered.
What an ironic state he is in.
Now the lobsters dine on him!
I can't remember if I cried.
When I watched about how if he died.
But something touched me deep inside.
The day.......John Junior died.
So... Bye, Bye Your plane fell from the sky.
How you fluttered on the rudder,
with your hurt foot you tried.
And old Uncle Ted is drinking whiskey and rye.
Singing this will be the day that you died.
A frustrated St. Peter to the Grimm Reaper... For the last time! I said TED KENNEDY! Not John, not Robert, not Michael, not Jaquelline! I said TED!
John Junior had only gotten his flying license last year...
He graduated at the top of his class at the John Denver Flying Institute.
Kyle & Stan of South Park: "OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNEDY! YOU BASTARD!"
Guess what they will name Martha's Vinyard?
Kennedy's Graveyard
What movie was playing on JFK Jr's plane?
Titanic
What does John Denver and JFK Jr have in common?
They both sink in water.
or.. They both know how to make a splash in the news.
Last year JFK Jr bought the Piper airplane...
This year he bought the farm. .
Looks like JFK Jr paid the Piper.
Q: How did JFK Jr learn how to fly?
A: Crash course.
If Teddy Kennedy had been flying with JFK Jr, he would have swam for help...
JFK Jr would still have drowned, but we wouldn't know for another 8 hours.
Even though the wedding has been called off... It still looks like they will make good use of the priest.
Just like his uncle Ted... He wanted one last drink!
Too bad uncle Ted wasn't on board... They could have used him as a floatation device.
Headline from the New York Post: HUNK DUNKS!
What did St. Peter first say to JFK Jr.? "Just because your name was on an airport doesn't mean you could fly!"
He'd have nailed that landing on the third try...
When word got out in the afterlife that JFK Jr. had fallen into the ocean...
Owen Hart said, "Water! Why didn't I think of that?"
Q: How many Kennedys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Unknown. Kennedys don't last as long as light bulbs.
Commercial:
Piper Saratoga- $25,000
Tank of Gas-$150
Landing Fee-$10
Map of Martha's Vineyard-$7
The look on her face as you follow in Ted Kennedy's footsteps...Priceless
The news mentioned the divers made the bodies "more presentable" before bringing them back to the surface.
I guess that means putting their clothes back on.
They say John F. Kennedy Jr's left wing fell off... Sounds like a right wing conspiracy.
Q: What do Republicans say about JFK Jr's political chances for President?
A: All washed up.
Q: What was the forecast for Cape Cod?
A: Cloudy, with widely scattered bodies and debris.
Q: Why is Al Gore pissed at JFK jr?
A: He didn't like him polluting the water.
Q. What did JFK jr. say to Ted Kennedy before departing for Martha's Vineyard?
A. "You feed the dog and I'll feed the fish"
Q: Why aren't there more JFK jr. jokes out there?
A: They just haven't surfaced yet!
(to the tune of... what else?... Candle In The Wind by Elton John
Goodbye, JFK,
May you sink beneath the blue
You were the face that graced the tabloids
at the checkstand, aisle two.
You bored us all to madness
With your wife and your career,
Now you feed the little fishies
And the crabs nest in your ears.
And it seems to me you flew your last,
Like a Kennedy in the Wind
Never grounding for the sunset
When the fog set in!
And your aircraft, did it fall here?
Among New England krill?
Our interest burned out long before
Your family ever will!
A Kennedy we've lost
But they've already got a dozen more
And your family's mausoleum
Comes with revolving door!
For another deader loaded in
And even though we try
We cannot but feign interest
As the press parade goes by.
So it seems to me you flew your last
Like a Kennedy in the wind
Never grounding for the sunset
When the fog set in.
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