Outer Ear

Issue 6, Sep 2001

So, how is IT for you?

Now that I've enjoyed 4 months of work beyond the big R (is that all?), I find like some of you that I've become consultancy scum. Though, I'm unaware of any actual metamorphosis, I know in my heart that: the external customer is always right. Therefore, I must believe them when they tell me that I have no integrity, no regard for quality and that I thrive on the stress of finding new and interesting ways to 'P' them off. One must remember that the external client cannot be expected to tell you what they want - only what they don't want once you've done it. They are clearly equipped with some kind of ESP which can detect when an individual has been mind-cleansed of any good practices they may have acquired throughout their IT career. I'm certainly fortunate that I work for clients who are willing to share this with me and I'd like to take this opportunity to say ... ^%&%^&(*$$£" off!

<turns on tape> " Happy place, go to your happy place ..."

Working for a company of 12 employees is a tad different to working for R. I have now adopted a schizophrenic profile comprising: Gordon Rydell, Peter Cramner, Col(scary), Roy/Jock(scarier), Nick, Ian/Elaine(£) and Kenn. Coffee rounds now involve making the coffee, buying the coffee, growing the sugar and milking the cow. I am nearest to the intercom and let only the nicest sounding saboteurs into the building. We have a mobile restaurant with no smoking tables (no non-smoking tables either), I get to hobnob with the MD as much as anybody else and when the company phone rings all our phones ring to make us feel special and wanted. They are a merry bunch of people, not averse to a drink or several but I feel there is a certain something missing. There's a distinct lack of innuendo of the carnal variety. Perhaps double entendres are only workable in a large company where there is safety in numbers. However, they haven't seen me drunk yet so something could seriously hit the fan when they do. Watch this space ...

On the whole, work is overrated as a pastime and interferes with my being lazy. In my spare time, I continue to weave my webs, suffer for my [photography] art (don't trudge through fields of straw wearing sandals - it hurts!) and watch as many films as possible. Don't you just hate films that are 'based' on a true story? I finally found out who stole my diary but the part about big knickers was pure fiction.

Time to meander around this issue. This is a low budget issue (in terms of material written by our own fair hands) but, as ever, there a few stars amongst you. I'm expecting a bumper issue for Xmas so have an exciting time for the next couple of months then start writing about it :)

Finally, I'd like to thank those that bothered, chastise those that didn't and look forward to seeing some of you on the 14th - so I can tell you about the novel I'm writing: "Sex, Lies and Change Control Procedures".

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