From time to time, as circumstances and destiny permit, the divine Overself enters into the experience of sincere seekers on the Quest. These glimpses of a higher life invariably have a profound effect on their recipients which may last a lifetime. The nature of the Grace so given is invariably impersonal, and universal, but the Form that the experience takes is, in by far the greatest majority of cases, an intensely personal one. Most seekers have not purified the ego based consciousness to an extent which would enable the impersonal and universal nature of the glimpse to shine through, particularly when attempting to communicate their experience to others. Furthermore, despite the purity of the source of the experience, the form of it is, of necessity, coloured by the receiving consciousness and moulded into an experience to which they can easily relate. If the recipient is a Christian, for example, it is likely that the symbolism inherent in the experience will be a mostly Christian one ; If the recipient is a Hindu, the symbolism will also be Hindu. This apparent difference in the experiences of different men and women does not point to any difference between the source of the experiences, which is always the pure divine Overself. Rather it points to the fact that each recipient colours and interprets the experience in the light of their own mentality, culture and personal history - that is, the form of the experience is contributed by the recipient himself.
When a person is deserving enough to be given such a glimpse, it is easy for the experienced form to be mistaken for the source of the experience, and for the real source to be missed altogether. A Christian who has a vision of Christ may honestly believe that he has received a personal visitation from Jesus the person. This is hardly surprising when it is remembered that the power behind the vision is the glorious and eternal Overself. But often, the recipient will be quite unaware of the contribution which his own ego-based consciousness has made to the actual experience. If such a man was to compare notes with a Hindu who had had a vision of Shiva, the two could not fail to disagree.
However, if the universal elements inherent in the experiences were compared, stripped of the personal symbolism, agreement could and would be reached, but it takes a mind trained in the philosophic discipline to discern which aspects of the experience are contributed by the personal consciousness, and which are the real, impersonal and universal ones contributed by the Overself.
In my own case I have been fortunate enough to experience two glimpses as far as I am able to ascertain. Certainly, in my years on the quest there are only two events which stayed engraved on my memory so vividly and enduringly. It is the purpose of this dissertation to examine those experiences in considerable detail with the intention of determining what, in those experiences, was my personal contribution and what, if anything, was truly divinely inspired.
The first experience which I regard as a glimpse was a waking experience of the AUM sound. The following is a description of this experience which I placed in the Public Domain via Compuserve:
Thou art neither earth, water, fire, air, nor ether. Know thy Self
(Atman) as Witness of all these, and different from them, if thou
would'st attain liberation.
Ashtavakra Gita. Chapter 1, verse 3
Around Spring of 1974 I had been continuing a study of philosophy and mysticism and I decided one Sunday morning to go for a walk in the countryside with the intention of finding some solitary place to sit and meditate for 1/2 an hour or so. I had recently read the Bhagavat Gita and was interested in the meaning of the symbol AUM, both in a philosophical sense and as a mantra for use in meditation. I had previously used the AUM mantra for meditaion and felt comfortable with it. It's use had generated a remarkable inner serenity and an odd detachement which I found, and still find, difficult to describe.
I travelled to the countryside by bus, on the way reading a little book called the Ashtavakra Gita (The song of the Sage Astavakra). I was using the verse quoted at the top of this article as a focus for my naturally wandering mind. When I arrived, I walked for 20 minutes or so and finally found a spot in the midst of a hidden copse, which had the added advantage of offering a wonderful panoramic view over the Medway river valley between Chatham and Maidstone in Kent, UK.
Sitting cross legged on the ground I began to meditate. I have never been very good at it, but had neverthless established a routine which I habitually used. I would begin by some simple breathing exercises designed to slow down the thinking rational mind. Then I would give thanks for my blessings and offer myself up as an instrument for the Divine. I would try to feel compassion to all life, and to generate a feeling of universal unity (not a particulary easy thing to do these days). Finally I would begin the AUM chant.
I had read that AUM should be chanted with the emphasis on the 'MMM' sound at the end but I never felt happy with this. Also, I has also read that the length of each pronounciation should last for between 10 to 15 seconds. But even though I would start with the best intentions I always ended with each pronounciation lasting about 3 seconds with a short pause between each for an intake of breath. The effect was not to slow my breathing down by any great extent, but instead to make each breath much shallower. Perhaps the overall effect is the same.
One thing I have always noticed when chanting AUM in this way (and still do) is that the chant begins to set up a kind of resonance in the mind. As the chant proceeds the mind becomes aware of 'something else' which is present along with the sound of the voice. It is difficult to be more precise, but the effect of this 'resonance' or 'echo' is to catch the attention. When this happens there is a simultaneous feeling of upliftment at the very moment that the mind catches this echo. One gets the impression that were the mind capable of holding on to this experience then something of permanent and lasting value would result - although exactly what is not clear.
Anyway, on this particular occasion I continued to chant the AUM syllable for perhaps 1/2 to 3/4 of an hour. My eyes were closed and apart from the usual extraneous thoughts which always crop up during meditation, I was fairly deeply absorbed. Then I must have made some kind of unconscious decision that it was time to move on, because I stopped the chant and opened my eyes. I immediately realised that something was unusual. I could still here the AUM sound!
I did a double take! I literally had to check that I was not continuing the chant without realising it. I was not. But the AUM vibration was as plain as any sound I have ever heard in my life. Furthermore, it was not simply a sound. AUM was coming at me, flowing through me, from all directions. It came from the sky, it came from the ground, every leaf on the surrounding trees and bushes was singing this beautiful vibration. Also, the experience had a celestial quality - as if it would be the natural song of all the angels in the highest heaven I could imagine. I could see AUM and feel it. Its power was unbelievable, it seemed limitless, but at the same time benign and loving.
If anybody has ever felt truly blessed it was me at that moment.
I was not in a hurry to go anywhere in particular, so I wandered around the countryside, listening to - no! revelling in, this experience. There is a catholic monastary not far from where I was. A lovely place. I walked there and exchanged pleasentries with a couple of monks. It is no word of a lie when I tell that for those few hours I loved everybody in the world. The people I met, the plants, even the ground, all shone with a kind of inner light. It reminded me of something I had read by Aldous Huxley in his book 'The Doors of Perception' when he described his mescaline experience. He said that for a time the world looked to him as it must have looked to Adam on the morning of his creation. So it looked to me, but I had taken no drugs. And the visual side of the experience was only one side of somthing multi-faceted.
Eventually I had to make my way home. The experience slowly faded over a couple of hours, but its echos were strong enough to keep me walking six inches above the ground (or so it felt) for some time afterwards.
In fact the echoes are still with me now - and always will be. I have tried on a number of occasions to repeat the experience, but although I can become quite absorbed with the AUM chant, it has never returned to the same degree.
The bottom line for me was that afterwards I was a changed person. Not overtly though. My belief system didn't change, nor did my social habits or my relationships with people close to me. What I gained was a sense of absolute certainty, an unmovable foundation based in experience from which all other considerations are judged. Man IS inherently Divine, despite the worst appearances. The destiny of our race is to re-discover this inner Divinity and move closer to our origins in the ABSULUTE!
After I had the experience described above I decided to do some research to discover more about what is said concerning the AUM vibration in traditional literature.
I first looked in the Bhagavad Gita. The copy I mostly use is a translation into English verse by Sir Edwin Arnold, published by the Self-Realisation Fellowship, Los Angelese, California. (This is indeed a most wonderful translation)
In chapter 8 (Religion by Devotion to the One Supreme God) Arjuna asks Krishna about the death experience. An extract from Krishna's reply is as follows:
That way - the highest way - goes he who shuts
The gates of all his senses, locks desire
Safe in his heart, centers the vital airs
Upon his parting thought, steadfastly set;
And murmuring AUM, the sacred syllable-
Emblem of BRAHM - dies, meditating Me.
For who, none other Gods regarding, looks
Ever to Me, easily am I gained
By such a Yogi; and attaining Me,
They fall not - those Mahatmas - back to birth,
To life, which is the place of pain, which ends,
But take the way of utmost blessedness.
And again in chapter 9 (Religion by the Kingly Knowledge and the Kingly Mystery) Lord Krishna says:
I am the Sacrifice! I am the Prayer!
I am the Funeral-Cake set for the dead!
I am the healing herb! I am the ghee,
The Mantra, and the flame, and that which burns!
I am - of all this boundless Universe -
The Father, Mother, Ancestor, and Guard!
The end of Learning! That which purifies
In lustral water! I am AUM! I am
Rig-Veda, Sama Vede, Yajur-Ved;
The Way, the Fosterer, the Lord, the Judge,
The Witness; the Abode, the Refuge-House,
The Friend, the Fountain and the Sea of Life.....
Having read these uplifting passages I decided to look at some of the many commentaries to the Bhagavat Gita. The best I have come across is one called The Yoga of the Bhagavat Gita by Sri Krishna Prem published by Element Books, ISBN 1-85230-023-X.
On page 72 in the chapter corrsponding to the 8th chapter of the Gita he says in a footnote that:
A lot of nonsense has been written in the West about OM and its 'vibrations'.
and
The true meaning of the word should be studied in the Mandukya Upanishad.
And so I obtained a copy of the said Mandukya Upanishad (among others).
This Upanishad is very short, but also very important. To quote the brief summary at the beginning:
The life of man is divided between waking, dreaming, and dreamless sleep. But transcending these three states is superconscious vision - called simply The Fourth.
The Mandukya Upanishad describes the symbolism behind the three elements of the A-U-M syllable. The 'A' corresponds to the Self as the universal person in his physical being - awake and conscious only of external objects. The 'U' is the universal person in his mental being - dreaming and conscious only of his dreams. The 'M' is the universal person in dreamless sleep - without desire - the origin and the end of all.
The Fourth, the Self, is 'AUM', the indivisible syllable - unutterable and beyond mind. In 'AUM' the manifold universe disappears. It is the supreme good - One without a second. Whosoever knows 'AUM', the Self, becomes the Self.
This is indeed an uplifting message - but a little frightening to me. I had an experience of 'AUM' - that fact is undeniable - but this Upanishad implies that great achievements can come from this - but I can lay claim to none of them.
Other Upanishads also refer to AUM.
For example, the Mundaka Upanishad states that:
AUM is the bow, the arrow is the individual being, and Brahman is the target. With a tranquil heart, take aim. Lose thyself in him, even as the arrow is lost in the target.
There are many such references in the Upanishads - far to numerous to mention here - but the theme is always the same. AUM is the eventual destination, the means to get there, and the foundation of that which is doing the travelling.
Meditation on AUM does not only mean meditating on its meaning. THE SOUND ITSELF HAS POWER! This fact I simply cannot stress enough.
My last references here are from a book I came across by chance in a junk shop one day many years ago. (Was it waiting for me - who knows?). It is called Hindu Mysticism by Mahendranath Sircar and was published in 1934.
In a chapter on symbolism he says:
The symbol AUM has deeper significance. It unfolds the finer sensibility and perception. It can move the inner spirituality of man. It stands for the cosmic harmony. It presents the rhythm deeply lain in spirit.
And a final quote:
AUM is significant of a meaning and indicative of a value. It is a source of arousing the spiritual possibilities. It represents the essence of spirit and is therefore powerful enough to move the spirit to intense activity in us.
In this indissoluble union of power and meaning, meaning and object, can we see the true significance of symbols, especially of AUM. Without this supposition no satisfactory explanation can be given of the subtle mystic powers and experiences it evokes and the encompassing vision it commands. The knots of psychic life are torn asunder, the waves of the lower being are quelled by the spiritual influence of AUM.
In this sense it is the symbol of the dynamic divine. (.....) AUM wakes up the delightful harmonies. It unties the complex knots of our vital and psychic life. It frees us from the doubts of a reflective mentality. It gives us the surity of intuitive consciousness. It removes the complexities of our psychic being. It makes it transparent and vibrative enough to reflect true spirituality.
The AUM symbol and mantra has had the most profound effect on my life. It is surely right and proper that this message should be spread as far and as wide as is possible. Because of my experience I cannot imagine that the use of the AUM mantra could be misused. At worst it may produce no effects, at best it transforms the nature of personal consciousness. No contest.
This is the justification for this message. If just one person reads this and as a result has an experience anything like mine then it will have been more than worth the effort of the writing.
As to how to do the AUM chant - I don't know. I know what worked for me, but that was much different from the earlier descriptions I had read.
If anybody out there wishes to try this then I would suggest that the best attitude to adopt is one of experimentation. Find out what suits you best. It may be a longer chant than my three second effort. It may have more emphasis on the 'MMM' part. Who knows?
The best way I can think of to describe the actual vocalisation I use is that it is a little like the 'MEEOW' of a cat, but without the 'MEE at the beginning and with the 'MM' at the end. I put the effort into making the change of tone (?) as smooth as possible.
If anybody does attempt this I will be more than just interested to hear of the results - whether successful or not.
There are a number of factors about this experience which are worth close scrutiny.
The first factor, and perhaps the most significant as far as the form of the experience is concerned, is the psychological context which preceded it and which formed the background of it.
About 3 or 4 years earlier I had discovered PBs books, and had read them with an avid interest. In particular. the two philosophical works "The Hidden Teaching Beyond Yoga" and "The Wisdom of the Overself" had caused a paradigm shift in my world view, and, from an intellectual point of view, I was a confirmed mentalist.
My spiritual life before I discovered PB was as an agnostic, but I had followed various lines of enquiry to see if I could find a real spiritual foundation to life. The enquiries included the Salvation Army (my father was a salvationist), various Christian churches, a dip into spiritualism, and an encounter with the cult known as the Divine Light Mission. They were of course shallow enquiries only, as at the time I had no training in the philosophic discipline.
All of these organisation apart from the Divine Light Mission relied on the followers having a religious faith, and my motto at the time was that I had no faith in faith. The DLM however, claimed to bestow a gift of mystical experience on the members, but despite being accepted as a 'disciple' I had no such experience. The God that was referred to in all these organisations was a personal one.
One of the main shifts in perception which I underwent after having discovered PB was towards the view of the Divine as being inherently impersonal, which, although I accepted without reservation intellectually, I had had no direct experience of. I knew, of course, of the necessity for detachment when appraising life experiences, but I had no reference in experience which enabled me to effectively adopt such a view myself. Life seemed much too immediate, pleasure and pain were to vivid for me to be able to objectify my outlook.
After I had read PB I began to read other spiritual works, some of which I had been led to by PBs writings. The Bhagavad Gita, The Ashtavakra Gita, many of the works of Dr Hari Prasad Shastri, the Works of Ramana Maharshi, and the Upanishads all came under my scrutiny. One topic which repeatedly came up during this reading was the symbol 'OM' or 'AUM'. AUM, it seemed, was a symbol of the Divine, and meditation on it was highly recommended. I consequently began to include it in my own meditation.
I soon began to have the odd experience mentioned in the extract above:
.... the chant began to set up a kind of resonance in the mind. ...the mind became aware of 'something else' which was present along with the sound of the voice. ....the effect of this 'resonance' or 'echo' was to catch the attention. When this happened there was a simultaneous feeling of upliftment at the very moment that the mind caught this echo. One got the impression that were the mind capable of holding on to this experience then something of permanent and lasting value would result - although exactly what was not clear.
Another effect of this chant was the state of my mind when I ceased the meditation. I became aware of a central core of peace and emptiness at the back of my mind, and of a gentle feeling of detachment. For a time, after meditation, my mental poise was almost unassailable, but, of necessity this experience faded not long after. I often wondered what the origin of this blissful post-meditation condition actually was. Sometimes I would put it down to a faint awareness of the Overself, at other times a consequence of the level of concentration I had managed to achieve during the meditation. But the FACT of the experience was paramount, and prompted me to use the AUM meditation more and more.
I began to use the AUM chant while walking alone, while sitting on buses - anywhere in fact where I would not be overheard.
This then, was the context within which I set out for that walk on the bright Spring morning.
The experience itself was totally awe inspiring. It swept me away - not in any physical sense but in an inner sense, even though the experience seemed to be an external one.
In the extract above I stated that:
Its power was unbelievable, it seemed limitless, but at the same time benign and loving.
but many years of reflection have made me change that view slightly. The power was as stated, but rather than the phrase 'benign and loving' I would now say it was absolutely impersonal, absolutely non-threatening and absolutely peaceful. The infinitude of the experience seemed palpable, and it carried with it powerful intimations of an infinite void.
Not once, since this experience, have I doubted its validity as a genuine spiritual experience, but my perceptions have changed somewhat over the years. I admit to an initial puzzlement in that the AUM sound was experienced objectively - despite its celestial and infinite qualities it was still an external experience. Further reflection on mentalist lines led me to understand that the space-time element must have been provided by my own consciousness, and also the AUM sound itself - particularly in the light of my studies and meditations which preceded the experience.
What I did not contribute were the purity of the experience, the impersonality of it, the power of it, and the intimations of the limitless void of God which I felt lay at the heart of the AUM vibration!
PB states in many places in the Notebooks that the elements of any Glimpse which are given by the Overself are those elements which are Universal and Impersonal, and it has indeed been the universal and impersonal qualities of this experience that have effected me the most.
The question of long term results is difficult, as my memory of the experience has remained extremely vivid. Now I understand the true meaning of detachment, even if I cannot manifest it as much as I would like in my own life. I also have a far greater appreciation of such concepts as the infinitude and universality of being, of the immanence of God, and the significance (however sleight and imperfect) of the limitless Void.
For me, this Glimpse, this descent of Grace, was my real baptism onto the path to TRUTH. Never again can any lesser distraction permanently change my ultimate goal in this life, and the certainty that I tread the most direct path is unassailable.
This experience was a dream which I had a few months after hearing the AUM sound. It is very simple and short, but this belies the profound effect it is having on me even to this day.
In the dream I somehow came into the presence of a Great Souled one. I can remember nothing about the characteristics of this person apart that he/she wore a long robe, and that a golden light radiated from the body of the sage.
I became aware of an unbelievable spiritual purity literally radiating from this wonderful being, and at the same moment of my own limitation and imperfection and I became profoundly ashamed. I was ashamed of my ugly egotism, of my impure and selfish motives, of my uncontrolled animal nature, all of which were thrown into a sharp relief in the company of this divine being. This contrast between my own base nature and the perfect nature of the sage was so great that I felt that my simple presence in such holy company was sacrilege, and I realised that no punishment could properly compensate for my own limitation and a great fear arose in me.
I fell to the ground and looked away. It was as impossible for me to raise my eyes as it would be to look safely at the Sun through a telescope. I began to weep and to beg forgiveness. I was totally overwhelmed with grief, regret and fear, and then the being placed his/her hand gently on my head and gave me his blessing. I was being forgiven, and I could hardly stand it.
At that moment I awoke, and I cried and cried and became filled with such a profound Love of God that words fail me when I try to describe it.
Since I had this dream much time has passed, and pressures from friends, parents and society at large have taken their toll, and the initial intensity of the experience faded as I became more and more involved in career and family life.
Despite this, my Love of God has remained, albeit at a lower pitch, and to this day the memory of how I felt during and immediately after this dream brings tears to my eyes and an awareness of the ever loving Overself in my heart.
Once again, I have no doubt whatsoever that this dream was a truly spiritual and significant event in my life. But at first glance it could be interpreted in two different ways.
In the first place, it could actually be the case that I received a visitation from a higher being in the dream. Secondly, it could be that I was touched by the Grace of the Overself and the form of the dream (i.e. the presence of the Spiritual Person) was added by my own consciousness.
However, further consideration leads me to conclude that, if the former was the case, then the Sage would have been led to make such a visitation by the Overself anyway, so from my point of view it doesn't matter which interpretation I ascribe to as long as I realise that the Overself was the activating principle.
It reminds me of a letter which I was fortunate enough to receive from Paul Brunton after he had retired. In the letter he stated that:
Being at an advanced age, I am in retirement. In any case for a long time I have informed my readers that I am not a personal guru. Sometimes however, I am led to respond.
The implication of these words is that even though the letter was written and signed by Paul Brunton, in actual fact the inspiration behind the letter came from the Overself acting through his body and mind.
From this preamble it is clear that the source of the dream was indeed the Overself, and that my task is to see behind the form of the dream to the universal and impersonal principles which were behind that form.
The bottom line was a glimpse of the Overself in all its sublime purity. In particular, the nature of spirituality devoid of any stain of egoism, without the slightest trace of selfishness, and in its infinitely patient and forgiving loveliness.
To be sure, I was shocked by the experience. The vast gulf between my mental state at that time (and indeed at the present time) and the purity of Overself Consciousness was highlighted vividly. But also highlighted was the fact that, despite this gulf, everything was all right, and that God understands the human struggle, and loves us in spite of our ignorance and our shortcomings, and that, in the end, the Overself will wait as long as is required for us to find our way back to awareness of our Divine origin.
The two experiences outlined above mark the two pivotal points in my life in respect to the search for philosophic Truth. The first experience was my baptism on the Path and gave me an unshakeable certainty in the reality of my spiritual and philosophic goal. The second experience gave me a brief but significant taste of true spirituality in its personal and practical aspect.
As a consequence I now tread with a sure foot on this highest of human endeavours. It is true that I still find myself troubled regarding the details. For example, my attempts at meditation are tentative, but despite this I do at least know where I wish meditative practice will lead me, and I will not be side-tracked by any bliss, visions or other occult experiences which may come my way as I develop my mystical practice.
I have found that the best possible form of worship is silence, that the Overself and God are more than worthy of such worship, that the worship of anything other than the Overself and God is simple idolatry, that all that I possess I possess through the Grace of my Lord, and that without the active Love and direct participation of the Overself I would have nothing, not even Life itself.
Peter K. Cross