The following poem was inspired by the first experience described in the page on Two Mystical Experiences accessed through the Menu to the Left. It was written in about 1980.
Six years, at least, have passed
Since that beautiful January morn
When I walked alone with God.
Since halfway back until the time when memory dawned
A slow vibration have I known.
A subtle swing of destiny from high to low;
A swing which took me by the hand
And led me through a learning process slow.
The teacher was, and is, within my self;
The learning hard, and full of pain.
One moment up amongst the highest good
My thoughts did fly; and then,
With resistless ease, I fell
And dwelt among the worms
And crawling evil things of Earth.
This ponderous swing between the worst and best
Of human nature did reveal a paradox,
A complex puzzle far beyond the powers
Of my simple weakly mind. And yet,
It seemed as if this never-ending carousel of life
Was but a sign, a symbol
Of a life far far beyond the one
Which then I understood as mine;
A life so perfect, where the home come soul
Could find it's Peace, and, joined in Love
With all the Truth and beauty of the world,
Bask in the presence of the Infinite Divine.
Thus, thoughts of Heaven would in me rise
Into the vanguard of my understanding;
And Peace and Hope would open up my eyes.
And for a time, attention drawn within,
A peaceful glow suffused my body and my mind.
I thought of Truth, of Universal Love,
Of God in Man, and Man in God, and saw
In all men's eyes the Deity behind the fear
Which, like the snake in twilight,
Just before cold dawn,
In error seen, when all that lies before the man
Is rope, coiled like a serpent,
Sleeping the sleep of illusion;
The Deity behind the fear which,
As the waves upon the ocean dance and flow,
Forever changing, but in mystic union
With the still and silent ocean depths so vast;
The Deity behind the fear which
Clouds the vision of the natural man,
Restricting judgement, causing pain and anguish;
The Deity which, but for the shield of fear self-made
Would bear the load of cares and woe,
And pass out Freedom, Love and Hope,
As from a never emptying cup.
But time its' toll must take.
The vision passed;
And slow but sure, with never any doubt
As to the road I forcibly must take,
With tear in eye as goodness drained away,
Unable to resist, but filled with shame,
I turned my back on God.
Inexorably, by desire, drawn into the pit
Of sense, of reason, of forgetfulness,
Attention drawn outside away from Truth,
Involvement in the Gross increased.
Contemporary events, near me and beyond,
Caught me, like a mesm'rists orb
Catches his subject.
Dissipation followed, as sure as evening the day,
And on to darkest night.
Great idols grew in my imagination;
Visions of wealth, of power, of comfort;
And vast energy I threw away
Building castles in the air - without foundation,
Doomed to fall before they are ere begun;
And, time and time again the wished-for Peace
Was dragged out of my reach
Just before the moment of fulfilment;
Until, at last, the notion dawned
That the objects of my craving
Were as the sparkling bubble to a child,
Which, when reached, when touched by hand,
Will burst, and shower forth in nothingness,
Leaving angry child to seek its' Peace elsewhere.
What little peace from things was gained
Would bide its' finite time, and pass
Into the abyss of the past;
And memories of the Peaceful Light
Would pass across my mind,
Like dim-lit shadows in the night,
Until, at last, after many a leaden idol
Had tempted me and gone away,
Resolve would come, and,
Once more upon the Golden Road to Truth
My foot would fall.
But thoughts of Truth are not the TRUTH itself;
For I was as the moth which, drawn to light
And gaining access to its' source,
Can never with it totally unite,
But bathes instead in its' reflected glory,
Circling hither, round and round,
Now near, now far away,
Now turned toward, now moving from
The ever present Noumenon.
Copyright (C) Peter K. Cross, 1997
The line in the above poem which reads:
Can never with it totally unite
has given me considerable cause for reflection, as it portrays the goal of the spiritual quest as being unattainable. Since writing those lines I have realised that the idea therein expressed is only true in a relative sense.
It is the case that the 'Noumenon' remains unattainable as long as we hope and expect to take all our personal psychic baggage with us. As long as we remain rooted in the personality and tied to the Ego, so long will we be unable to reach the highest spiritual goal that our human embodiment has to offer.
It is our task to realise in experience the ultimate emptiness of personality and our identity with the infinite source of all.
It was with good reason that Jesus advised that
It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.
for the sense of identification with the Ego and the little personality of familiar experience must truly die if we are to taste of the infinite life. It was not mere rhetoric when He said
He who gives his life shall gain the whole world