SYMPTOMS:
Unfortunately, if you have got this far, we can take it that you now this disease. We have had several enquiries about this, and so felt the need to post some information on this site. The symptoms are . . . constantly thinking about Tractors, of the Nuffield marque, to the exclusion of everything else . . . ie . . .work, food, sex, the weather, the wife . . and many other similar items . . . . A palpitating sweat, with increased fluttering in the chest when in the close proximity of either a Nuffield in superb condition, or a pile of rusting scrap that needs a little attention . . . . Glazed eyes when someone else is talking about Nuffields . . . . The willingness and ability to drive great distances, sometimes hundreds of miles, just to see a Nuffield, or to collect divers spares of the brakes, tyres, new mudguards, bearings and shockers variety - and all this before breakfast . . . . An amazing capability, even when in advanced years, for standing around in muddy fields, admiring other people's Nuffields, in rain, hail, sleet, frost, and sometimes snow -- the winter months can be much worse . . . A tearful nostalgia for the days when petrol was about 3/8d a gallon, and parrafin was sold in the newsagents . . . and many other symptoms, besides a general feeling that life is not worth living without a Nuffield . . .

PROGNOSIS:
And, I have to tell you that there is no known cure. If it's well-advanced, and will cost a small fortune every year, but the sublime look on your face when you crank up and start ploughing, or splitting logs for a wood stove, is a sight to behold. It will be an even greater sight if the hydraulic hose to the log-splitter splits under great pressure, and showered you, your tractor, and most of your district, with thick black hydraulic oil. This is just one of the many perks of this disease, and enjoyment of such incidents comes at no extra cost.

TREATMENT:
Some of the worst effects, however, can be modified, by supping suitable quantities of English Real Ale, notably of the Shepherds-Neame, Ruddles, or Flowers labels. We are open to suggestions of other tonics and cures of a like nature . . .

The Irish cream ale by Caffreys is a good substitute, but greater quantities of this are needed for the desired effect. For only when the sufferer is absolutely rat-arsed and legless does the financial worries of owning and operating a Nuffield completely diminish, and give way to a happier, more care-free state of mind, in which the said sufferer attains the ultimate goal of not giving a monkeys! That is, until he, or she, is sober. And make no mistake about it, there are also numerous 'shes' with this complaint, and for them, this disease is even worse. For a start, the machine instinctively knows that its new owner is female, and plays up accordingly. But one of the pluses is that correspondingly less quantities of real ale are required to attain the state of being legless.

THINGS TO GUARD AGAINST:
For males, the unqualified love of a tractor very rarely leads to marital difficulties or divorce. This is because the spouse usually comes to terms with the new facts of life very quickly, uttering typical comments such as, ". . . . oh, he's no bother - at least I know where he is," and " . . . . you're not bringing that bloody engine into MY kitchen!" They like and revel in the opportunity to show who's the real boss. So long as you don't want to garage your new beloved beast in the hallway, or under the stairs, and keep plenty of spare old newspapers handy by the back door, you should get by okay . . . Whatever you do, try to avoid waking from nightmares in the middle of the night whilst feeling the wife's belly and complaining loudly that there'll never be enough tread to pass its MOT. That can often be fatal . . .

CONCLUSION:
So, Tractor Fever it is, sub-variant "Nuffielditis", and it's terminal I'm afraid. Learn to live with it. My diagnosis comes as a result of your unspoken admission to great jealousy on seeing anyone bid for and snatch the new love-of-your-life from under your nose at a sale or auction. This jealousy can be overcome by seeking out and purchasing another model on the rebound. Of course, if you can't find a suitable model, or run out of funds, or her indoors forbids it, there is always the real ale and the happy condition of Nuffielditis Ratarsii . . . Don't worry, something will turn up. Probably the missus!!