Joke Page 3:
A teacher had been after her pupils to bring in their 2 dollars for the
class picture. Upset over the tardiness, one day she got up in front of the
class and said, "Class, think how much you're going to treasure this
picture 25 years from now. You will pull it out and say, 'There's my
friend, Julie. She's a lawyer now. There's my friend Robert. He's a
Doctor.'"
Then a voice from the back of the room interrupted, "And there's my
teacher... She's dead."
Murphy came home drunk as a skunk for the third night in a row. Mary, his
wife, dragged him to the window and pointed out to the blazing lights of
the big distillery in the distance.
"Do you see how big it is?" she thundered. "They can always make it faster
than you can drink it!"
"Maybe so [hic]," he burped, "but I've got 'em working nights!"
This farmer would go out on his tractor and while he was working the fields
and bouncing around for awhile he would get horny but it was a long ways
back on his tractor to the house where his wife was. So he came up with
this plan. He told his wife he would take his rifle with him and next time
he got horny he would fire a shot and she could drive the pickup truck out
to where he was. So that's what they did and it worked quite well. One day
a neighbor was over having coffee. "I haven't seen your wife around for
quite a while," he said. "Me neither" said the farmer, "Not since hunting
season started!"
A hillbilly takes his 13-year-old daughter to the gynecologist. The doctor
asks if she is sexually active. The father says "No, she just lays there
like her mother."
Three rednecks were sitting together in a bar bragging about how they had
given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a woman from Alabama and bragged that he had told
his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house-cleaning that needed
done at their house. He said that it took a couple days, but on the third
day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put
away.
The second man had married a woman from Florida. He bragged that he had
given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the
cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the
next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes
were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a woman from Georgia. He had told her that her
duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry
washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he
didn't see anything, the second day he still didn't see anything, but by
the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little
out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the
dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.
During a good manners and etiquette class, the teacher says to her students
"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family
and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you
say to her? "
Mike replies : Wait a minute, I'm going for a piss. The teacher says: That
would be very rude and improper on your part.
Johnny replied : I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a
minute. The teacher says : That's much better but to mention the word
"toilet" during a meal, is unpleasant.
And Charlie says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go
shake hands with a personal friend, whom I hope to be able to introduce to
you after dinner. "
The teacher passed out
