Grab your boots and hat, we're off to visit Andy Partridge of XTC for almond tea and tales of toy soldiers, French forts and little girls' guitars.
Victorian Piss Pot
"Indispensible. I come from a long line of piss-pot owners, my parents had one, my grandparents had one, and now I've discovered piss-pot technology. Having a dodgy prostrate - I either drank or sexed it to death - the poor thing tends to scream at night, and I was just gettin' sick of wandering to the loo, so I decided to follow in the family tradition. I started with a plastic one, but it just didn't feel stable, never had the chunky stability that my Victorian one's got. I've had this antique for about four years now, it's immaculate. I wouldn't be without it, but if I go anywhere where I haven't got one, hotel ice buckets are the second best. Beer glasses never seem to hold it all."
Liquorice Comfits
"This is my concession to drugs, really, or druggy-looking things. I don't have much of a sweet tooth these days. I used to live on sweets, but these are the big things for me now. When I was a kid, the only liquorice you could get was liquorice pipes and liquorice straps, stuff for toy smokers. It was kind of like a Howard Marks liquorice set. There were sherbet fountains as well, but I don't know anyone who ever succeeded in getting the sherbet up the liquorice pipe. Sweet shops were always full of purple-kids sucking the life out of their bodies tryin' to get to the sherbet. I first found the comfits in an ill-health shop round the corner from where I live, and now I end up quaffin' a bag a day. It's gettin' a bit serious."
The Woman's Encyclopaedia Of Myths And Secrets
"I discovered this at the girlfriend's place in New York a few years back. Her dad had given it to her and I think she was just using it to prop a door open, and one day I grabbed it to read in the loo - I was in there for hours! I was totally absorbed. It's a bit tricky to describe, but it's all these nice bitesize myths, legends, folk tales and things like that. Apparently, the author, Barbara Walker, took 22 years researching this stuff, and it's fantastically cross-referenced. It's history from a woman's point of view, which is something you don't get too often. It's not full of what you'd call wimmin's things, if you know what I mean. It's also very anti-Christian, which pleases the pants off me. It goes through all these myths and tells you their origin and where people stole things from. I think 'Easter Theatre' on the new LP was probably a result of reading up on stuff in this book. I've even considered writing Barbara Walker a fan letter!"
Almond Tea
"I'm not really a big one for your speciality teas. I remember when Terry Chambers (former XTC drummer) was still in the band, he came round one day and I gave him a cup of Earl Grey which he promptly spat out, and accused me of trying to make him drink scent. I can't drink caffeinated drinks any more - old Mr Prostate doesn't like it, but this tastes just fantastic. It's like someone took everything from Christmas and shoved it in a blender. It's a shame about the crap painting on the box, with the bloke who looks like Robert Redford laying on the grass. I used to drink a lot of tea as a kid, but I don't think you should give tea to kids, because it just makes them really wired. That was especially true of me, 'cause I had about five sugars in it as well."
Dr Martens British Hikers
"They don't make these anymore, which is really swinish. I actually rang the Dr Martens people up years ago and tried to persuade 'em to bring 'em back, but they wouldn't go for it. Then recently they rang up the record company and said they think we're fab and want to do something with us, promotion-wise. That got the big lightbulbs going off, and if they'll make me some more pairs of British Hikers, they can use my arse as a window box. I'd be absolutely over the moon. They're not like your usual Doc Martens, they've got no toecap and they're made of really soft leather, the most comfortable footwear I've ever known. I've had this pair about 10 years and I've probably superglued them together half a dozen times. So, if there's any old shoe shops out there with pairs of these stuffed away in the back, get 'em out and you could make a killing."
Favourite Hat
"Having wavy hair, as in it's waving goodbye to my head, I do get a bit touchy about people calling me baldy, so I quite like hats generally. I think I've got one of those heads that look OK with a hat. I don't think you're really topped off unless you've got a hat. This is my favourite. I found it in a vaguely hippy shop in Bath a couple of years back. I've worn a similar style for about 20 years. It's not too much of a pimp-hat, it's just sort of demi-Superfly. It's also a bit JoBoxers, isn't it? You can often catch me doing the Boxer beat of an evening. I hate those little mean caps that Range Rover drivers always seem to wear, they tend to make you look like an evil little bastard, but this has got a lot more going for it. It makes me feel slightly racy."
Half-Size Child's Guitar
"I originally bought this for my daughter, Holly, for her school music lessons about seven years ago, but she didn't like it so I nabbed it for myself. It was made in that home of all great guitars, Romania, and the fact that it doesn't stay in tune, it sounds crappy and it's tiny makes it all the more precious to me. I think I've written more songs on this guitar than any other. It's always lying aroung behind the settee or somewhere, it doesn't matter if it gets bashed about or scratched. It's light enough to wander into the toilet or down the garden with. If someone gave me a gold-plated guitar with platinum strings I'd be too intimidated to play it, but this is so cheap and crap I'm really comfortable with it. I can't remember how much it cost, but it was the cheapest in the shop. I was probably done, actually. I've been going to the same music shop in Swindon for 30 years, and the bloke's never given me discount. I won't mention his name, just in case he's on the brink of giving me discount."
Antique French Toy Fort
"My big passion in life is toy soldiers, I've got thousands of them. And I like forts as well. I used to sit and stare at these French toy catalogues from the turn of the century going up to World War I, and I just fell in love with all these old forts. I never thought I'd get one, because basically they're kids toys and kids' toys get played to death and then thrown out. I never thought I'd see one, let alone own one. Then I went to a toy soldier show in London, and there was this French dealer who had this fort and was just using it as a stand to put all his soldiers on, casual as you like. I just hit the roof, I got really, really, excited, I couldn't control myself. I spent 300 quid getting it off him, which is probably the height of rock'n'roll excess for me. I've got about a dozen forts, but this one is head and shoulders above the others."
Three-Foot-Tall Toy Soldiers
"This isn't my favourite soldier, but there is a bizarre story attached to it. Colin (Moulding) and myself were dragged to Coney Island for a photo session just before Christmas last year - it's a strange place, like Blackpool for crack addicts - and I just saw this 'thing' sticking out of some bushes next to us. It turned out to be this big plastic toy soldier, it was if he'd been waiting for me all these years, waiting for me to get my hands on his little head. I had thousands of tiny soldiers at home, and then this giant one hunts me down in America. I think he probably came off some sideshow or carousel. He's lovely, isn't he? I'm not gonna bother painting him up, I'll just keep him in the exact condition I found him. He just stands in the corner of the front room now, guarding my pathetic video collection."
All original work is acknowledged as being the copyright of the originator.