After considerable thought, I have come to the conclusion that some things simply don't belong on the same planet as a sensitive soul like myself. I'm talking about things like: Getting wet, getting cold, religious maniacs, people who want to be normal, people who are normal, excessively small dogs, zucchini, nukes, excessively big dogs, people who talk about 'teamwork', headaches, lime green, post-it notes, bad music, taking anything too seriously, being alone when I'm lonely, being in a crowd when I want to be alone, food with pointy nasty sharp things, fireworks that don't go off, nylon clothing, overpowering perfume, answering machines, Noel Edmonds, flat cola, cooked celery, war, tight shoes, McDonalds (so sue me), junk mail, Windows95, flying insects, wet carpets, skiing, CD cases, cardboard milk cartons, board games, dinosaurs (told you they were a bad idea), censorship, lawyers, electric toothbrushes, overpowering aftershave, money (rid yourself of it - send it to me), salesmen, radar traps, wires, the human appendix, flimsy beer cans, flat spare tyres, crumbs in bed, automatic transmissions, karaoke, wobbly plastic cups from drink vending machines, suits, cod, broken limbs, the letter Q, sheep, musical doorbells, coffee with milk, rust, daytime TV, canned food with a little key to open the can, queues, alarm clocks with a snooze feature, paperback books with the author's name in huge embossed gold letters, upstairs neighbours who tap dance, flu (particularly that nasty Star Trek strain), soya milk, squeaky shoes, vending machine tea, cheap paint, splinters, prawn cocktail flavoured crisps, electric shocks, superglue, tin mugs, paper plates, sour milk, flat batteries any politician you care to name, all sorts of other bad stuff. |