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Forgiveness - Just Say No

An apology is the opposite to forgiveness, but unless it is meaningful and giving freely it is worthless. A real apology is something that is not even something that needs to be asked for. It is the same with forgiveness, to ask for forgiveness is to ask for something that cannot be given. Always remember Jesus asked his father to Forgive. And God according to the Bible only Forgives when the conditions are right. When he understands that the person asking or seeking forgiveness fully understands the pain and suffering they have caused another human being or beings.

Most survivors of therapy abuse only want an apology, they quickly find they might as well be asking for ‘peace on earth’. Abusive therapists do not apologize. One its bad for there self esteem, two it could get them into trouble legally. Except there isn’t no law in the UK, and they want to keep it that way.

Yet they do like asking for forgiveness. Especially when the abuse as taken place in a clergy setting. To not forgive is presented to the client as ‘Unchristian’ This places the client under a tremendous amount of pressure if they are a true believer. You can tell those asking forgiveness the story of Jesus and ‘Father Forgive Them’ but these are people who use the Bible like a weapon, and will hit back with something else. So its simpler to say no. And then go and read about Forgiveness in something like the Oxford Dictionary Of The Bible. Its a very concise statement.

There is a shock value in the word ‘No’ when used against an abuser. You might be abuse tolerant - if you are a survivor of therapy abuse you are. But it doesn’t always have to be that way. But ‘No’ can also be a very brutal word. Abusers like to use it a lot for a start. They like us to use the word ‘Yes’ a lot, and we do because we like to please them.

So what’s the alternative - Understanding. Or even better still ‘Overstanding’ as the Rastas say in Jamaica. Rasta words are always positive. So Over is better than under. Still whichever word you use it means the same thing. And understanding something, life for example is what we are placed on earth for.

Understanding abuse and abusers is something that takes a lot of effort because abusers are very very complex people. And its a very negative study. For those who have been abused it can bring us so much pain, that we will do anything rather than think about abuse too much. If you can learn to cope with your abuse without this understanding or study you are doing well, but for most survivors they find its a vital process. Understanding there abusers and the abuse is about freedom. It provides hope that something can be learned to prevent the abuse again. Although that hope is often a false hope - because abusers are very good at pretending to be something else. Survivors for example.

So always be on guard for ‘Forgiveness’. Either say ‘No’ or ask for them to make you understand why they had to abuse you. Don’t be surprised if they end up blaming you for the abuse.