The Things They Say

The Things They Say.... When an abuser finally decides to bring the abuse to an end. And it usually is the abuser. I have not heard of one survivor who walked away unharmed. If they did - they probably don't even know they are a survivor! Or only realise that they have been abused but unharmed years later. Anyway when it comes to that final session - all abusers usually have at least one favourite parting put down. Guaranteed to make them feel good - and leave a survivor with a mental scar.

No1. You can always find another therapist!

Around six to eight sessions into your therapy if your therapist is abusive - and you are starting to feel uncomfortable - watch out for that one. You then have a simple choice leave and start the process all over again or continue with a very good chance that real damage will occur over the forthcoming sessions.

No.2. I don't want to carry on being your therapist!

This probably means you by now have been abused, and have been offered a referral - and you have turned it down - and they want to get rid of you as soon as possible. You could reply that "We need to go into closure." But that could take weeks and you could end up enduring a lot more abuse.

No.3. If you feel suicidal that's your responsibility!

It certainly is, but the real question is how much responsibility your therapist will take for those feelings. They should at least take the threat seriously - if your telling someone that you are thinking of taking your own life it's a cry for help. If they can't help you - someone else might be able to do so. These sort of statements only place more pressure on a client. A lot of these people need reminding that if you was feeling good - its very unlikely that you would be visiting them in the first place!

No4. I helped you!

Therapists are experts at building people up - then knocking them down. Serious research needs to take place into this aspect of therapy. One reason could be that so many of them are so mixed up, that seeing that they can help someone is a major boost to their self esteem - but then they become resentful and jealous if the client starts to get better and wants to bring the therapy to an end. A big factor in this of course is money. The longer a client stays in therapy the more money they make. This is a very good argument to stay within the NHS in the UK - where of course no payment is involved, sadly this sort of abuse goes on within the NHS which suggests that what is going on is much more basic.

No.5. I have helped many clients and no one as complained before!

Very difficult to prove. If you ask your therapist for a list of names and addresses - he not going to be able to give them to you even if he wanted to. So you have to take his or her word for it. And even if its true, abuse can come about for a wide variety of reasons. You could be the first client that he/she thought he could get away with the abuse. Targetting.

No.6. You've transferred!

These people love to give abuse different names - and the more bizarre the better. Transference comes from to much unconditional positive regard and or self disclosure. And they know it. It creates more Problems for a client - which most of the time the therapist hasn't got a clue how to solve. Although If things get to bad they can always pass you onto someone else - Referral.

No.7. I made you what you are!

Very close to "I helped you." But hinting at some positive transformation process that they are responsible for. In fact such is the sickness of these people, they are often referring to the fact that you are a good person, and you would be better if you were bad. It would also make the abuse more interesting for them as well.

No.8. Why are you doing this!

Abusers do not like complaints. Very often those around them rush to their rescue with statements like this. Making a complaint about one professional to another is a waste of time. If the truth were known the reason they make statements like this is because they are abusers themselves. Of course they say otherwise, but their actions and the statements they make prove otherwise.

No.9. It is not Therapeutic Abuse - because he wasn't qualified!

In a total self-regulated country like the UK - qualifications don't mean much. They can be obtained by a cheque. The person could have spent five years studying or 5 days. There is nothing to stop anyone from Being a counsellor. An advert in the local newspaper, and off they go. There are more laws in the UK concerning fortune tellers! They can be actually be arrested!